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  1. #101  
    Quote Originally Posted by lb505
    Access to the same unaltered, unamended birth certificate, the same as most other people in the US. Again, this is not about searching. I know who my BM is. So if you are asking why would I want my original unamended bc, the answer is because I think it is my right to have the legal documents pertaining to my birth. If you are asking why adoptees search, that is a whole other can of worms and I think, probably very personal for each adoptee.
    Ok. I think you are right. You have every right to the same documents as any not-adopted person. My child's birth certificate has my wife and I on there as her parents. When adoptions are legal;y completed, here in Utah at least, we received a new birth certificate with the legal parents names on it.

    Once a adoption is legally completed, IMHO the birth people have not a single right in the world to have their names attached to any document. So therefore if the child (or adult) goes searching later they will not be anything to find but the parents that raised them, cared for them, etc. (of course assuming no divorces etc, happen)

    I would never ask why someone who was adopted wants to search for the birth people. That is not something I should comment on.

    If you notice I never call my child the ADOPTEE, or someone the BIRTH PARENT, because they are neither.

    The child I adopted is MY CHILD! the birth person is not the PARENT, they are just a person who donated their body to help bring a beautiful child into the world, that is all!

    I consider the person who birthed my child a great friend. She does not consider herself anything more then someone who helped bring our child to us. She has given us something that we could not get on our own. She is VERY important to us. So please don't think that I think LESS of any birth person. They provide a VITAL role in this world and are very special to many people.

    But on the other end, she does not deserve anything otherwise then our thanks and appreciation. If she needs something that I can help with, I will help, but because she is a friend NOT because she is the birth person of my child.
  2. #102  
    Another thing. I know someone is going to mention something about any physical issues that a child may have and if someone with a BIOLOGICAL link may help save their lives etc.

    I think this is a LARGE and very misunderstood issue.

    My child's birth people both tested positive for Cystic Fibrosis (sp?) That means the my child has a MUCH larger chance of getting it. A very deadly and painful illness.

    So when we found this out, we asked if we can get any medical records so we can prepare for what might be in the future. The female said yes, the male said no.

    What do I think about was a '****' move on his part and I hope he feel guilty and suffers the rest of his life. BUT did it change out thoughts on adopting our child??

    NOT AT ALL!!! My child could have come out with no arms and legs, and it would not have mattered, they are our child. End of story.

    I would hope any parent would do ANYTHING to help their sick child. So it would not make me search any harder knowing where they physically came from. It would just give me a better direction to search in.

    There is no better or worse chance of someone saying they will donate a kidney, bone marrow, whatever, if they are related physically or not. At least not in my mind. If they say no or yes....I will deal with what I need to.
  3. #103  
    DeathToToasters, rather than respond to your posts I would suggest that you do a little reading to educate yourself about birthmothers and adoptees. Adoption is not always a perfectly painted picture with the lucky adoptive parents getting the prize from the selfless birthmother. Not to say all adoptions are bad by any means because they aren't.

    Just a side note, your posts scream of ownership and I find that very offensive. A child is not a possession.

    Lots more out there but here's a start:
  4. #104  
    Quote Originally Posted by lb505

    Just a side note, your posts scream of ownership and I find that very offensive. A child is not a possession.
    Interesting statement. Since we are responsible for our childrens actions, well being, feeding, clothing, shelter, education etc it could be said that that level of responsibility is very much like ownership. Why is that offensive?
    “There are four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, and ammo. Please use in that order.”
    — Ed Howdershelt
    "A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have."- Thomas Jefferson
  5. #105  
    Well I appreciate your comments, but it is not ownership. It is responsibility of being a parent.

    Let me explain to you my view as a person who has been trusted with the responsibility of raising a child. (BTW this is for all of my children)

    My first responsibility is being a parent, not being someone who does whatever my child wants. It is my responsibility to do what I believe is right for the child.

    It is not ownership it is taking the responsibility of being a parent seriously.

    That to me is what is wrong with MANY kids and teenagers these days. Parents want to be friends first, parents second.

    I don't look at it like that. I am older and raising them because (for the most part) I know better what is good for them and not.

    So if it is not MY child...who's is it?

    Another thing, I read those links you sent, me. Thanks BTW. I appreciate the reading.

    But there is one common thread in all of them that seems to be the main difference in the way I see things, and the way they see things.

    Just because someone gives BIRTH to a child, does NOT make them their mother.

    There is always alot of talk about the 'sperm donor' and 'the father or dad who raised me' but there is never any talk about the mother side.

    A mother is someone who is there when their child falls down and skins their knee, who is there when they get off the bus. Is there for their first date, for their first tooth, etc.

    I am not saying that some birth women are NOT lied to, deceived, etc. That happens and it is NOT right.
    But we are talking about general terms here.

    So under those thoughts, that is the difference. They are not their MOTHERS, they are the birth women who brought these children into the world. To me there is a large difference.
  6. #106  
    A little addition to that....

    I am not saying that birth women are not special, THEY ARE VERY SPECIAL!!!

    They have as many emotions as anyone else and are stronger then me!! I could never the imagine the decisions they have to make. What I am saying is that once the decision is made, it involves MORE then them.

    They have no right to change their mind AFTER the fact. The idea of a birth women wanting to get the baby or child back after years is worse then murder to me. That is my opinion.
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