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  1. #21  
    a chinese,black and white women sit naked in a sauna. they here this weird ringing sound.. the chinese woman put her wrist to her ear and said that was my phone. they hear a weird ringing sound so the black women opened her hand and said I just got an email. the white woman went to the bathroom and came back with toilet paper hanging out her behind the black and chinese ladies ask her what's that hanging.. she replied o I just got a fax.. lol
    The only time I ever made a mistake was when i thought I did and was mistaken.
  2. #22  
    Playboy definition of "good clean fun" - a couple showering together
    Palm m505 -> Treo600 (GSM ATT) -> Treo650 (Cingular) -> BB8700g -> BB Pearl
    "The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come."
  3. #23  
    A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
    The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
    Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
    The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
    The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
  4. #24  
    The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

    For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a .45 revolver. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"

    The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

    The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife," the man said. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

    Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Six shots were heard, one shot after another. The agents heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
    Palm m505 -> Treo600 (GSM ATT) -> Treo650 (Cingular) -> BB8700g -> BB Pearl
    "The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come."
  5. #25  
    One guy says to his friend, "Man, I had a major Freudian slip today. I went up to the booth at the train station today and asked the girl there for 2 pickets to Titsburgh! I was sooo embarassed!"
    The friend replies, "I know exactly what you mean. In fact just yesterday I was having breakfast and meant to ask my wife to pass the butter but it came out 'B#@*$, YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!'"
  6. #26  
    Did you hear about the guy who went into an auto parts store and said to the clerk, "Can I get a new gas cap for a Yugo?"

    The clerk thought for a second and said, "That seems like a fair trade."
    Palm m505 -> Treo600 (GSM ATT) -> Treo650 (Cingular) -> BB8700g -> BB Pearl
    "The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come."
  7. #27  
    My wife is such a bad cook, I didn't know there were bones in bread!

    My wife's cooking is soo bad we pray after we eat.

    What has 5 teeth and 2000 feet?
    The front row of the bleachers at Yankee stadium.

    Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

    The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.

    The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"

    Well," said the officer. "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I find an ***hole."


    It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.

    'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'

    The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.

    Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Yankees.'
    Iím a lucky man to count on both hands
    The ones I love..

    Visor Pro -> Visor Edge -> Treo 180 -> Treo 270 -> Treo 600 -> Treo 650 -> T|T2+SE T68i -> Treo 600 -> T-Mobile MDA -> Treo 755p -> Treo 800w -> Treo 755p -> PALM PRE -> Palm Pre 2 -> HP Palm Pre 3

    Twittering about
  8. #28  
    A giraffe walked into a bar and said "Hey everyone, the highballs are on me".
    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
    - Albert Einstein
  9. #29  
    why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    because he was dead.
    it's not a crack house, it's a crack home.
  10.    #30  
    What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viagra?

    Don King hair . . .
  11. #31  
    Quote Originally Posted by Perry Holden
    ...Don King hair . . .
    two examples...

    Dunking Hair?

    or Dunking Hare?
  12. #32  
    I was working ER yesterday and a teen came in who had take a whole bottle of his fathers viagra,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

    3rd degree burns on both hands

    Ow was this suppose the be clean jokes
  13. #33  
    This guy walks into his house with a duck under his arm and says this is the pig I was talking about...

    His wife looks at him and says that's a duck!

    He says "I was talking to the duck!"

    badoom boom...
  14. #34  
    Quote Originally Posted by kabuto
    why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    because he was dead.
    funny as hell, dont know why?
    Wisdom sheds light on the knowledge you have accumulated

    Palm Pre (Sprint)
  15. #35  
    there was a contest, to see who could swim across the river with the gators. 1st prize was any wish you wanted would be granted. a chinese guy steps up, "im your man", dives in and is attacked and killed instantly by the gators. (sighs from the crowd) just then a white guy dives in and gets half way across when hes attack and killed also. (sighs from the crowd) everyone heard a big splash, and turned to see a black guy swimming across faster than they had ever seen anyone or thing swim. he climbed out on the other side to be greeted by applause from the entire crowd. the mayor of the town comes up and asks the black guy, "what is your wish?" the black guy responds, "i dont want no wish, just show me the mutha@*$#er who push me in."

    two guys are in an alley, one guy has one thumb in his buddies ****, and the other in his mouth. a cop comes up and says "hey what the hell are you doing?" the guy says "oh dont worry, my buddy had to much to drink and im just helping him puke it up." the cops says "you cant make him puke with your thumb in his ****" the guy replies "yeah but wait till i switch fingers"
    Wisdom sheds light on the knowledge you have accumulated

    Palm Pre (Sprint)
  16. #36  
    i hate to think my jokes were so bad they ended the thread
    Wisdom sheds light on the knowledge you have accumulated

    Palm Pre (Sprint)
  17.    #37  
    Not to worry Franko, the thread goes in streaks.
  18. #38  
    In honor of the latest Got Milk? commercial about calcium lessening the symptoms of PMS:

    All men know, or will quickly learn, that there are days in the month when all he has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands. Following is a handy guide for every husband or boyfriend when it comes to what is safe to say when coming home on those special days of the month:

    DANGEROUS: Hey, what's for dinner?

    SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

    SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

    DANGEROUS: You're not wearing that, are you?

    SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

    SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

    DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

    SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

    SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

    DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

    SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

    SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

    DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

    SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today

    SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
    Never argue with an *****; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. - Author unknown
  19. #39  
    This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"

    And the pirate says...
    Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!
  20. #40  
    Where does a pirate eat for lunch?

    At Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrby's

    Sorry, got bombarded with pirate jokes yesterday
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