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  1. #11221  
    Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
    "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
  2. #11222  
    An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  3. #11223  
    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  4. #11224  
    A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead rac****s. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
  5. #11225  
    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
  6. #11226  
    Quote Originally Posted by dbdoinit View Post
    Hey, langley, that reminds me.... Chk the jokes you posted on my amuse me thread.

    What about these jokes?
    Want to keep up with my exciting new projects? You know where to find me.
  7. #11227  
    Two hydrogen atoms meet.
    One says "I've lost my electron."
    The other says, "Are you sure?"
    The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
  8. #11228  
    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
  9. #11229  
    Since Christmas is coming up...

    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
  10. #11230  
    A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

    One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain -- they name him "Juan."

    Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

    Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
  11. #11231  
    These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
  12. #11232  
    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  13. #11233  
    And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
  14. #11234  
    And I'm spent....
  15.    #11235  
    Everybody, let's give rlangley a big round of applause.

    It's not easy to do stand-up in an online forum.
  16.    #11236  
    Quote Originally Posted by Garrett92C View Post
    What about these jokes?

    That was a nice thread.
  17. irateb's Avatar
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    I'll have to send all these to my sister. She loves these kinds of jokes.
  18. irateb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by irateb View Post
    By the way, I did decide, as was the consensus here, to email C, D, E and F about the gift. C and D gave money. E did not. F appears to be out of the office. C asked me if she could ask B about it, which of course I said sure. B told C that it has been a crazy month and that he'd get the gift this weekend. So hopefully that'll be the end of that part. Now about my money he borrowed for lunch...
    Quote Originally Posted by MudShark22 View Post
    I doubt it will happen unfortunately, even though B has been called on it.
    Here's to hoping though!
    Just an update to this saga. As MudShark22 predicted, Coworker B did not go and get the present over the weekend. On Wednesday, Coworker C asked B if he had gotten it, and if not, could she have the money so she could go get it. B's response was "Let's hook up tomorrow." So we'll see today if he actually has the money or what excuse he'll come up with. Either way, C is more angry than I am, so it's not going to be very pleasant for B.
  19. #11239  
    Everyone get your popcorn ready...there's gonna be some fireworks at irate's work...

  20. #11240  
    So I was scrolling up to re-read my brilliance...cough, cough...ugh...cough...blahhhhhh... something got caught in my throat there....

    Anyway, this site blocks out r a c c o o n s?

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