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  1. #41  
    dbd, I'm a woman too, but just love these. I'm totally convinced that most members of my gender are absolutely insane, then they drive guys there and wonder what's wrong with them!
  2. #42  
    I am also convinced that most members of my gender are insane...
    Blaize, Mistress of Verbosity

    Be nice until it's time to not be nice.--Dalton, "Roadhouse"
  3.    #43  
    What NOT to say when you meet the parents:

    Can I pull my car into your garage? They're still looking for me.

    There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.

    Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?

    Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable, in my opinion.

    We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.

    Can you believe it? Those sh|theads at the check cashing joint won't cash my welfare check!

    Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?

    My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
  4. #44  
    A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,
    where a woman may go to choose a husband.

    Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how
    the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

    There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as
    the shopper ascends the flights.

    There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a
    particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you
    cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.


    The second floor sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


    The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and
    are extremely good looking.

    "Wow", she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


    She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
    drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

    "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
    drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a
    strong romantic streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and
    the sign reads:


    Floor 6 - You are visitor 94,363,012 to this floor. There are
    no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
    women are impossible to please.

    Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step
    as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
  5.    #45  
    Rules For Men:

    1. The Female always makes The Rules.

    2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

    3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

    4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

    5. The Female is never wrong.

    6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)

    7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)

    8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

    9. The Male must never change his mind without expressed written consent from the Female.

    10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

    11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

    12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

    13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

    14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

    15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

    16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.
  6.    #46  
    Are you a gentleman or a man?

    1. In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to as:
    a) Lovemaking.
    b) ing.
    c) The pigskin bus pulling into Tuna Town.

    2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
    a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
    b) Your blood-test results.
    c) Five tequila slammers.

    3. You time the "moment" so that:
    a) Your lady climaxes first.
    b) You both climax simultaneously.
    c) You don't miss SportsCenter.

    4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
    a) Healthy, creative love-play.
    b) Not the sort of thing your. wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
    c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

    5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
    a) The best part of the experience.
    b) The second best part of the experience.
    c) $100 extra.

    6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:
    a) No concern of yours.
    b) Not a problem - she can join your gym.
    c) A conservative estimate.

    7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
    a) A myth.
    b) An oxymoron.
    c) Just a plain moron.

    8. Foreplay is to sex as:
    a) Appetizer is to entree.
    b) Priming is to painting.
    c) A queue is to an amusement park ride.

    9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
    a) "I hope we can still be friends."
    b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
    c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

    10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
    b) Is uptight and a waste of time.
    c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
    Last edited by dbdoinit; 08/03/2010 at 06:49 PM.
  7.    #47  
    Bumping this thread for everybody's "benefit."

    ltm ltm ltm
  8. #48  
    LOL! dbdoinit those are hilarious! Just love them!
    Sent from my favorite gadget!
  9. #49  
    ahhh memories...
  10. #50  
    day dreaming lol ltm ltm
    Here is a direct link to webOS Doc for all carriers
    P.S. if i have helped you and you are thankful please hit the thanks button to the right---->
  11. #51  
    Some great stuff in here.

    Sent from my eVo
    Sent from my favorite gadget!
  12. #52  
    heh heh !
    Here is a direct link to webOS Doc for all carriers
    P.S. if i have helped you and you are thankful please hit the thanks button to the right---->
  13. #53  
    This...... was........ spectacular..........

    -- Sent from my Palm Pre using Forums

    My Themes:CLICK HERE
  14.    #54  
    Thank you.
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