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  1.    #1  
    SUNNYVALE, Calif., APR 1, 2007 (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Palm, Inc. (Nasdaq:PALM) today reported an innovative and revolutionary approach to addressing ongoing customer complaints about the many problems with their aging and problematic Treo line.

    From the promises of 802.11b ("WiFi") printed directly on the Treo 600 boxes, through major issues when Palm switched to NVFS memory on the Treo 650 without properly testing to assure at least the same amount of "RAM" as it's predecessor model, to the 10-month-old Treo 700p that loses bluetooth connections at random and has reported lags up to a minute while switching applications, Palm has had it's share of problems.

    "We just figured we could release something pretty, market it well, and the customers would come running and buy whatever we put our name on," said Palm's Officer of Device Churn, Bill U. Often. "We release buggy devices, and then it's up to the carriers to hook the users into long-term contracts that don't have any provision for cancelling based on problematic devices. After 2-3 weeks, if the customer hasn't figured out they've been bamboozled, we have their money, the Carrier has them into a high-priced 2-year contract, and they have a pretty device that will never get a firmware update or much further support beyond 'buy our next one'. An added bonus is that we often make minor changes with every model - often resulting in the need to replace hundreds of dollars in proprietary accessories with every new model. This has really pleased our stockholders and landfill managers"

    However, Palm has recently been reevaluating this non-sustainable business model. With the release of the Treo 755, they have apologized for the unfixable Treo 700p which has gone 10 months so far without even a firmware fix for even the unusable Bluetooth pairing. "We finally woke up to the fact that it's no longer 2003, and we finally have competition in the Smartphone catagory. We can no longer make minor tweaks to the Treo 600 (designed in 2002-2003) and re-sell it to Palm cultists and the Paris Hilton-types. We need to build a reliable device, and standardize things to ensure interoperability and customer satisfaction. Further, we will no longer falsely promise things like WiFi in order to hook people into the Cellular contracts that they would not be able to leave based on our lies when we never deliver."

    "So with the release of the 755, we are initiating a revolutionary customer-focused program. We know people who spent $650.00 on the 700p were actually expecting to use a bluetooth headset as we advertised when we released it 10 months ago. It's obvious we failed, and may never have a firmware patch that fixes this."

    "Therefore, Palm will offer a trade-in program for all disappointed Treo 700p owners. They will be offered an advance-replacement 755 in exchange for their functional 700p returned directly to Palm. Since the 700p (somewhat) worked, a depreciation charge of $10 per month of ownership will be charged to the customer's credit card - a receipt for the original 700p purchase must be provided with the return. Treo accessories purchased since June 2006 will be exchanged at no charge for 755p-compatible ones. Palm will also extend warranties on their bluetooth headsets - a negligible writeoff to Palm as their unusable nature should find them in near-new condition."

    "We are proud of this new 'customer-focused' direction of ensuring our Treo devices function properly (and correcting our mistakes at our expense instead of the customer's), rather than their previous primary purpose of suckering people into expensive long-term Cellular contracts. We had a lot of fighting with the Carriers to get them to accept this direction, but for the long-term health of Palm we decided it was the right thing to do. It's not 2003 anymore."
    Treo 755s in good condition available on ebay for $50-$75. No need to pay for insurance or buy a Pre.
  2. #2  
    I wish I had that much time to blow. there goes 2 mins of my life that I can't get back.
    Treoing & Loving it
  3. #3  
    Sounds like someone needs a girlfriend or at least a hobby to occupy their time. lol
  4. #4  
    :yawn:
  5. #5  
    Niiiiiice.

    LOL
  6. #6  
    I quite enjoyed it. Bravo!
    ROOTING for WebOS makes me more sympathetic to Cubs fans.
  7. #7  
    April 1st, okedokee
  8. SMEGGIE's Avatar
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    416 Posts
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    #8  
    GMAFB!!!! (Give Me A Fuggin Break)



    SMEGGIE
    Yer pal,

    SMEGGIE


    A bigger Treo fan than I'll admit.
  9. #9  
    Everyone's a critic. I thought is was an acerbic satire of all things wrong with palm. C'mon- we all feel it, Joad was smart enough to write it down. Good job.
  10. SMEGGIE's Avatar
    Posts
    416 Posts
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    417 Global Posts
    #10  
    "Therefore, Palm will offer a trade-in program for all disappointed Treo 700p owners. They will be offered an advance-replacement 755 in exchange for their functional 700p returned directly to Palm. Since the 700p (somewhat) worked, a depreciation charge of $10 per month of ownership will be charged to the customer's credit card - a receipt for the original 700p purchase must be provided with the return. Treo accessories purchased since June 2006 will be exchanged at no charge for 755p-compatible ones. Palm will also extend warranties on their bluetooth headsets - a negligible writeoff to Palm as their unusable nature should find them in near-new condition."

    "We are proud of this new 'customer-focused' direction of ensuring our Treo devices function properly (and correcting our mistakes at our expense instead of the customer's), rather than their previous primary purpose of suckering people into expensive long-term Cellular contracts. We had a lot of fighting with the Carriers to get them to accept this direction, but for the long-term health of Palm we decided it was the right thing to do. It's not 2003 anymore."
    Sounds like 'customer-focused' beta testing to me...



    SMEGGIE
    Yer pal,

    SMEGGIE


    A bigger Treo fan than I'll admit.
  11.    #11  
    Congratulations to those of you that noticed the date of April 1st, indicating it was an "April Fools" satirical joke, laden with my admittedly poor grammar and dull "sense" of humor. It only rolls around once a year on my calendar, so a few minutes pounding out my frustration with the "Palm Process" in a somewhat creative form felt worthwhile.

    For anyone who took this as a serious Press Release, I deeply apologize for misleading you into believing that Palm was going to start doing anything differently. Rest assured, they will continue to release expensive Treo devices without testing them properly, we all will foolishly buy them and get hooked into long term cell contracts, Palm will never figure out a way to fix them except to EOL them and release something else expensive and equally buggy to replace it, and the beat goes on....

    I'll pass along the advice of "nsxprime" to my wife, thanks!!
    Treo 755s in good condition available on ebay for $50-$75. No need to pay for insurance or buy a Pre.
  12.    #12  
    Quote Originally Posted by gt5l View Post
    I wish I had that much time to blow. there goes 2 mins of my life that I can't get back.
    Well, for someone with 1,172 posts to date, it seems you have an excessive amount of time available anyway - how has spending a couple minutes reading something taken away anything from your life? (...Unless that 2 minutes exceeded your yearly quota? )
    Treo 755s in good condition available on ebay for $50-$75. No need to pay for insurance or buy a Pre.

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