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  1.    #1  
    A bit confused, seeking my fellow Treo users to help me.
    I'm not sure if I am ready for prime-time socialization. But you tell me - ?

    Anyways, about once or twice a week, I will get into a random argument with some person I donít know. Sometimes, it is in parking lots, sometimes employees at stores. Am I the only person who things like this happen to ?
    For instance, today I park on the street in the little city I live in to go get some coffee. Two spots are open in front of the coffee shop and some lady is standing in one of the good spots. Talking on her phone. As I politely motion her to move, she does and I park. As I am getting out of my car, she asks can I move because she is saving the spot for her handicapped friend.

    That's cool - I really am happy to give up the better spot to someone who needs it. So I backed up and took the other spot. But this lady was extremely rude. She made it seem as if moving was not a decision I could make. Her demeanor suggested that I had to move, or else. Or else, what?
    She was just being rude - especially when you consider she is a stranger asking a favor of me. Is it me, or was she looking for a verbal argument?
    If she had so much respect for her handicapped friend, why didn't she approach my vehicle and explain the situation before I took the time to park in that spot?

    The reason this upsets me so much that I want input is because, I feel this lady had a just cause to ask me to move. But has everyone simply become rude? She could have told me when I approached and I would have found alternate parking. Had she handled this properly I would be pleased with myself for doing something good for another human who is in need.
    Instead I am faced with, "Why was she so rude?" Her being rude of course forced me to launch into a "Why didnt you handle this properly?" Why didnt you get off the phone and tell me that before I parked, put up my windows, and shutdown my engine?

    Comments, Opinions?
    Thanks.
  2. #2  
    Yes, you fit in here well.
  3. #3  
    Quote Originally Posted by dlbrummels
    Yes, you fit in here well.
    lol
    Browse over to my new forum. http://www.palmfanatic.com

    "The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat. " - Albert Einstein

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  4. #4  
    Quote Originally Posted by wifigenius
    A bit confused, seeking my fellow Treo users to help me.
    I'm not sure if I am ready for prime-time socialization. But you tell me - ?

    Anyways, about once or twice a week, I will get into a random argument with some person I donít know. Sometimes, it is in parking lots, sometimes employees at stores. Am I the only person who things like this happen to ?
    For instance, today I park on the street in the little city I live in to go get some coffee. Two spots are open in front of the coffee shop and some lady is standing in one of the good spots. Talking on her phone. As I politely motion her to move, she does and I park. As I am getting out of my car, she asks can I move because she is saving the spot for her handicapped friend.

    That's cool - I really am happy to give up the better spot to someone who needs it. So I backed up and took the other spot. But this lady was extremely rude. She made it seem as if moving was not a decision I could make. Her demeanor suggested that I had to move, or else. Or else, what?
    She was just being rude - especially when you consider she is a stranger asking a favor of me. Is it me, or was she looking for a verbal argument?
    If she had so much respect for her handicapped friend, why didn't she approach my vehicle and explain the situation before I took the time to park in that spot?

    The reason this upsets me so much that I want input is because, I feel this lady had a just cause to ask me to move. But has everyone simply become rude? She could have told me when I approached and I would have found alternate parking. Had she handled this properly I would be pleased with myself for doing something good for another human who is in need.
    Instead I am faced with, "Why was she so rude?" Her being rude of course forced me to launch into a "Why didnt you handle this properly?" Why didnt you get off the phone and tell me that before I parked, put up my windows, and shutdown my engine?

    Comments, Opinions?
    Thanks.
    The manner in which you tell this story makes it sound like you have some kind of power struggle issues with the fact that you did move. Perhaps she was curt as she was standing in the spot to save it in the first place and you insisted she move when as you state, there was another spot open.

    If you find yourself getting into that many verbal altercations, it is right that you examine why, which you have done here and you should be commended for that. Keep up the self improvement.
  5. #5  
    No that hardly ever happens to me, if people try to pick a argument/fight I just ignore them. I try not to sink to their level..
    (most of the time that is.. once I was cut off by a bus that really p-ed me off and I did cut him off as revenge.. really silly move in hindsight)

    The lady in your story does sound rude indeed..
    1 thing I dont understand in your story is were there 1 'free' spot next the lady was parked in one of them and you aske her to move first.
    Or were there none and you asked her to move so you could take her spot?
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  6. cardio's Avatar
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    #6  
    I try to explain to my children (teenagers) that another person can not make you mad or upset or furious, you are the only one who has that power. Your attitude can allow others actions to cause you to get upset or your attitude can allow you to be bigger than the other person and be polite. The vast majority of issues are actually quite petty (your example) and will not have any effect on your life 10 minutes from now. I have noticed that when a person is upset, rude or just plain nasty, if you respond with kindness and a smile the situation rapidly defuses and an acceptable compormise results.
  7. #7  
    Yeah, I kinda get into altercations too. Mostly driving related. Two in the past 3 months. One guy thought I was intentionally cutting him off, but I wasn't, I was only trying to make sure people behind him didn't try to ignore the fact that they had to yield to me. Anyhow, he mouthed some profanity and I kindly told him to shut up, to which he flicked me off, to which I told him to F off, to which he got out of his truck, to which I got out of my car (right in the middle of the intersection) and then we get into it. He's all up in my face talking crap and I basically tell him to get out of my face unless he's ready to do something. He continues to get in my face, so I calmly shove him back out of my personal space. At that point I realized he was all talk and got back in my car.
    The other time a guy felt I was riding his a$$ on an off ramp, which I was cause he was going under the speed limit. He got out of his car with a blackjack. I got out and we got into it. Got him in a headlock and punched him the face a few times while he vigorously assaulted my calf with his blackjack (WTF?? I had a bruise for at least two days from that) but hey, at least he didn't mess up my hair. I did have to go to work afterall.
    I think I'm too much of a smart *** sometimes...that might be the reason I find myself in these situations. But, I've never actaully started anything with anyone, I just can't back down once they escalate it.

    My point, just like with your case, it's always their fault
  8. #8  
    Quote Originally Posted by wifigenius
    ...Her being rude of course forced me to launch into a "Why didnt you handle this properly?" Why didnt you get off the phone and tell me that before I parked, put up my windows, and shutdown my engine? ...
    As you continue down the path of self-improvement, consider that you give away the only power you really have (self-control) when you believe that one person's action "forces" you in any way.

    In every interaction, there is an action, a decision, then a reaction. Many have automated the "decision" phase to their detriment (i.e. they simply react based on how they've handled such situations in the past).

    The action of others you have no control over (though you do have influence). Your reaction, on the other hand, is totally under your control. However, it is your decision-making between the two that determines if the situation will escalate or dissipate.
  9.    #9  
    Quote Originally Posted by ToolkiT
    No that hardly ever happens to me, if people try to pick a argument/fight I just ignore them. I try not to sink to their level..
    (most of the time that is.. once I was cut off by a bus that really p-ed me off and I did cut him off as revenge.. really silly move in hindsight)

    The lady in your story does sound rude indeed..
    1 thing I dont understand in your story is were there 1 'free' spot next the lady was parked in one of them and you aske her to move first.
    Or were there none and you asked her to move so you could take her spot?
    Two free spots, parallel parking spots. But the first one had a van slightly over the line (parked illegally.)

    She was standing in the front spot, talking on her mobile phone. Just pacing back and fourth. She did not motion to me in any way she was attempting to reserve the spot. Nor - can someone actually reserve a parking space? (I know it sounds Seinfeldian, but I dont think standing in a parking spot reserves it.)
  10. #10  
    Quote Originally Posted by shopharim
    As you continue down the path of self-improvement, consider that you give away the only power you really have (self-control) when you believe that one person's action "forces" you in any way.

    In every interaction, there is an action, a decision, then a reaction. Many have automated the "decision" phase to their detriment (i.e. they simply react based on how they've handled such situations in the past).

    The action of others you have no control over (though you do have influence). Your reaction, on the other hand, is totally under your control. However, it is your decision-making between the two that determines if the situation will escalate or dissipate.
    I agree, but I have a contradiction in a sense with letting people know when they're being close minded, ignorant or just plain a$$es and simply walking away.

    If I walk away, this person might not realize they were affecting another person in a negative way and might continue with their behavior. However, if I confront, the person might realize they were acting inappropriatly and modify their bahvoir for the next time they're put in that situation.
  11.    #11  
    Quote Originally Posted by shopharim
    As you continue down the path of self-improvement, consider that you give away the only power you really have (self-control) when you believe that one person's action "forces" you in any way.

    In every interaction, there is an action, a decision, then a reaction. Many have automated the "decision" phase to their detriment (i.e. they simply react based on how they've handled such situations in the past).

    The action of others you have no control over (though you do have influence). Your reaction, on the other hand, is totally under your control. However, it is your decision-making between the two that determines if the situation will escalate or dissipate.
    Just because the handicapped ladies friend is a nasty S.O.B. doesn't mean she should suffer. I moved out of respect to the handicapped lady who truly did need the spot.
  12. #12  
    Hey wifigenius

    The answer is YES, people are extremely rude and nasty all over the US. I travel all 48 states delivering peoples presious cargo.

    About 97 persent of the time I have to deliver within a set appointment date and time. I get into arguments with the customers when I show up on time and they want to take 10 hours to unload my truck. I am suppose to allow them 2 hours to unload.

    Most of the attitudes I get is they think they are doing me a favor by taking their stuff off of my truck.

    Well anyway, it is becoming a me society. Curtious behavior is disappearing.

    I drive an 80,000 lb truck, and it amuses me when someone in a miniature car wants to play chicken, or wants to cut me off on the road.

    It seams the concept of what an 80,000 lb truck can do to them and their 2,000 lb miniature car is lost because these individuals are wrapped up in themselves.

    I could go on, but I'll end now...

    Chuck
  13. #13  
    Quote Originally Posted by ChkYaHead
    I agree, but I have a contradiction in a sense with letting people know when they're being close minded, ignorant or just plain a$$es and simply walking away.

    If I walk away, this person might not realize they were affecting another person in a negative way and might continue with their behavior. However, if I confront, the person might realize they were acting inappropriatly and modify their bahvoir for the next time they're put in that situation.
    Letting people know the impact of their behavior is a legitimate reaction. Yelling the message laced with various and assundry profanities to make that point made lead to escalation rather than dissipation.

    Just because the handicapped ladies friend is a nasty S.O.B. doesn't mean she should suffer. I moved out of respect to the handicapped lady who truly did need the spot.
    Very kind of you. However, I recommend you not blame the friend for the level of frustration you opted to entertain in your head as you determined your reaction to her (perceived) "rudeness".
  14.    #14  
    Quote Originally Posted by shopharim
    Letting people know the impact of their behavior is a legitimate reaction. Yelling the message laced with various and assundry profanities to make that point made lead to escalation rather than dissipation.
    I'm afraid you have misunderstood. First of all, please do not put words in my mouth or associate my story with a demeanor you have inferred.

    My message to her was very curteous. I explained how her method of action could negatively effect her friend, who is actually in need.

    I did not yell - I did not use profanity.

    After all, this boils down to the demeanor you would use when asking a stranger for a favor. I could have simply said "no", parked in the spot, locked my car and walked away.

    Quote Originally Posted by shopharim
    Very kind of you. However, I recommend you not blame the friend for the level of frustration you opted to entertain in your head as you determined your reaction to her (perceived) "rudeness".
    With all due respect, I suggest that you do not make comments pertaining to situations you do not completely understand.

    1st - She was rude. I did not perceive this - this is a concrete fact. She was rude, which is what created this issue. Had she acted with courtesty or respect towards others (others, you intend to ask for favors.) We would not have had any unpleasant dialogue.

    2nd - I would like to recommend something to you. When replying to threads you should avoid making incorrect assumptions and posting Please get your facts straight before you make me out to be a jerk.

    You seem to like analyzing me and my path towards self improvement - if you are so curious and would like to continue advising, please private message me or post more specific questions. So that I can provide you with the details you need to make a relevant reply to this thread.
  15. #15  
    Quote Originally Posted by wifigenius
    I'm afraid you have misunderstood. First of all, please do not put words in my mouth or associate my story with a demeanor you have inferred.

    My message to her was very curteous. I explained how her method of action could negatively effect her friend, who is actually in need.

    I did not yell - I did not use profanity.

    After all, this boils down to the demeanor you would use when asking a stranger for a favor. I could have simply said "no", parked in the spot, locked my car and walked away.
    shopharim didn't direct this to you. It was ChkYaHead that he quoted.
  16. cardio's Avatar
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    #16  
    Quote Originally Posted by wifigenius
    I'm afraid you have misunderstood. First of all, please do not put words in my mouth or associate my story with a demeanor you have inferred.

    My message to her was very curteous. I explained how her method of action could negatively effect her friend, who is actually in need.

    I did not yell - I did not use profanity.

    After all, this boils down to the demeanor you would use when asking a stranger for a favor. I could have simply said "no", parked in the spot, locked my car and walked away.



    With all due respect, I suggest that you do not make comments pertaining to situations you do not completely understand.

    1st - She was rude. I did not perceive this - this is a concrete fact. She was rude, which is what created this issue. Had she acted with courtesty or respect towards others (others, you intend to ask for favors.) We would not have had any unpleasant dialogue.

    2nd - I would like to recommend something to you. When replying to threads you should avoid making incorrect assumptions and posting Please get your facts straight before you make me out to be a jerk.

    You seem to like analyzing me and my path towards self improvement - if you are so curious and would like to continue advising, please private message me or post more specific questions. So that I can provide you with the details you need to make a relevant reply to this thread.
    Dude, chill. Shop has always been kind and considerate on the posts. He was not directing this at you or he would have quoted you. With reaction like this I can understand why random fights occur.
  17.    #17  
    Quote Originally Posted by cardio
    Dude, chill. Shop has always been kind and considerate on the posts. He was not directing this at you or he would have quoted you. With reaction like this I can understand why random fights occur.
    Most of my fights come in to play, b/c I have a Larry David type mind. It's really that simple.

    I actually started this thread to be humorous, but it did get a little bit out of hand. (Myself included((for the most part)).) Apologies.

    : - )
  18. cardio's Avatar
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    #18  
    Quote Originally Posted by wifigenius
    Most of my fights come in to play, b/c I have a Larry David type mind. It's really that simple.

    I actually started this thread to be humorous, but it did get a little bit out of hand. (Myself included((for the most part)).) Apologies.

    : - )
    Cool. just did not want to esculate to name calling and moderator action
  19. #19  
    I remember back in my days in the service. There would always be some drunken jackass who wanted to test his manhood...

    Usually I'd try to diffuse the situation, even walk away. But every now and then you'd have to introduce the palm of your hand to the tip of his nose.
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  20. #20  
    Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was talking to me.
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