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  1.    #1  
    No, in all seriousness, life has sucked for the last three months. I don't really vent much so you guys, my beloved TC family, get to hear about it.

    I work in the internet field for a small family business and have worked hard for the last 4 years to get my family where were at. There have been sacrifices, sure, but what marriage doesn't? Now I am not perfect, but I can't believe that someone just won't try. She says she's been unhappy for 2 years now.

    The worst part is I can't get her to move out. Being the guy, I can't move out because the law is so slanted I would pay dearly for it. Any help from my TC lawyer friends would be greatly appreciated as well.

    I must say, though, without prayer and the Almighty I think I would have already gone mad with her still living in the same house. Pray for us and for my little 3 year old baby girl, who I am afraid is so confused right now.

    Thanks gang...
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  2. #2  
    First, sorry to hear this. I wish you to find the strength within yourself, and ultimately happiness.

    I'm a believer that the person wanting out should just up and leave - it's called walking out for a reason. Sadly, too many times the "leaver" wants the house!

    I'm not a lawyer so I can't help you there, but have you looked into what they call "trial separations"? There may be hope there for you to gain a temporary residence without "abandoning" your family or your assets.

    Keep yourself busy. And by all means, spend time with your daughter. HOPEFULLY you two can find a way for her to not be led down the dreadful path so many children of divorce are. She's more important right now, she's your everything. Show her that.

    Pamela
    Using my treo 650 for business:
    DesignExtend.com
  3. #3  
    i wish you the best sir and leave you with one piece of advice

    "Marriage doesnt last because of the good times, but how you handle the bad times."
    -My Mother
    Wisdom sheds light on the knowledge you have accumulated

    Palm Pre (Sprint)
  4.    #4  
    Thanks for the kind words Pamela. I wish we could try some kind of seperation, but unfortunately she will not have it. My daughter is SO important to me, especially because it was a miracle she was even born, but that's another story altogether.

    My biggest problem with this is that my wife will not agree to joint custody. She told her lawyer I needed practice putting my daughter to bed. I just feel kinda lost in all this...
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  5. #5  
    This is sad. Given your statement above, it sounds like she's going to play dirty. My advice:

    1. Get a video camera. Tape everything you do with your daughter. The time you spend with her playing, putting her to bed, reading with her. Lots of footage. Hours of tapes can't deny that you had spent time with her and are able to care for her.

    2. Ask relatives and friends to write letters. If you can get anyone on her side to write some, do so. Letters about you as a father and that you're deserving of joint custody.

    3. WATCH YOURSELF. Don't speed, don't drink, don't cuss, don't let ANYONE see any outbursts of anger. Nothing. Be a good, law-abiding citizen.

    4. Turn on record. Yep, just on the possibility you can do anything with them, record conversations you have with her. Dirty? Sure, but what's more important here, someone thinking you're sneaky? Or your daughter?

    5. Get your financials in order. Get all paperwork up to date so you can show you're a provider.

    6. Take her role in some things. Do some laundry, the dishes, the cooking.

    7. Build a real relationship with your daughter. She might get asked some questions. You never know.

    That's all I have right now. Remember, I'm not a lawyer, nor do I have children. I've watched people go through divorce though and recall all the atrocities that went on in court.

    Pamela
    Using my treo 650 for business:
    DesignExtend.com
  6. #6  
    Sir, i believe you should find legal counsel (sp?) no amount of advice could compare to what a lawyer can tell you about how things are done. i wish you the best whatever the outcome. be strong for yourself and your daughter. you can be a good father even though your not in the home (if that ever happens) it just takes extra effort, and from your above post it sounds like your willing to put forth that effort

    Good Luck Sir,
    Franko
    Wisdom sheds light on the knowledge you have accumulated

    Palm Pre (Sprint)
  7. #7  
    Quote Originally Posted by mediasi
    This is sad. Given your statement above, it sounds like she's going to play dirty. My advice:

    1. Get a video camera. Tape everything you do with your daughter. The time you spend with her playing, putting her to bed, reading with her. Lots of footage. Hours of tapes can't deny that you had spent time with her and are able to care for her.

    Pamela
    bummer.

    I second everything Pamela wrote -- her video documentation suggestion seems especially critical so as to not have it be her word against yours.

    If things become combative don't get provoked -- just document -- a video camera can have a powerful civilizing effect on one sided arguements.
    755P Sprint SERO (upgraded from unlocked GSM 650 on T-Mobile)
  8. #8  
    Sorry to hear about your troubles. Hold your head up, keep doing what your doing & be strong. Remember "Don't let no one, bring you down" ~WAR~ & lot's of luck.
    "A man who drinks only water, has something to hide to his fellow man."

    My beer blogs:

    Rev. Rhino on Flickr

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  9. #9  
    Remember to keep your little girl away from any arguments. My parents were divorced before I was five, but I never remember any animosity between them prior, during or after the divorce. Made for a 'normal' upbringing. Good luck - hang in there!
  10.    #10  
    I knew I could depend on you guys. I do have a lawyer, I just wanted your opinions. And I was right, you guys have some great ideas. Thank you so much for the support. This is something that I never thought I would have to learn about.

    I love you guys
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  11. #11  
    I wouldn't want to be your your place, but it will pass.

    In the mean time, It's not your Treo. It's your breath.



    So don't do this.

    [img]http://huffamoose.co.uk/junk/*****.jpg[/img]

    Hope I made you smile for today at least. Good luck.

    Thread Crapper
    ~ August 16,2005 Poll-Master ~
    August 17, 2005 Century Club Member ~ August 29, 2005

    I have a fondness for intelligence.
    I often black out when doing something really stupid. I supose that's why I'm such a danger to my self
    .



  12. #12  
    Quote Originally Posted by bigboy650
    She says she's been unhappy for 2 years now.
    What does she point to as the root of her unhappiness?

    I'm not asking you to share the anwers with us. I just wanted to nudge you in a direction that could help restore the relationship that produced a miracle only 3 years ago.

    There is a wonderful resource that could help (if both of you are interested in falling in love again...and staying in love): Marriage Builders
  13. #13  
    Since you have an attorney, it is unlikely you will not be awarded joint custody, especially if you pay child support. (Unless you have done some pretty bad things.) The one thing your wife may get is "primary custody" which is what I have. I'm not sure if that's an official legal term. All I know is that If we are at an impasse over any decisions pertaining to the children, I have the final say. This may not bode well for you if she's playing hardball.

    Our divorce was very amicable. I moved (unhappily) to Atlanta from Chicago to give my ex unstructured visitation. We lived in the same house for a year and used one attorney, only to file the papers. We've had our disagreements, but have been able to resolve them without knock-down dragouts.

    The reason I mention this is because despite the amicability of our situation, I have done everything possible to protect myself. I keep documentation of everything. Things were good in the beginning, but people change. Protect yourself, document everything and get the best (iron-clad) agreement you can right from the start. There's no guarantee she'll stick to it and you'll have legal recourse if the need should arise.
  14. #14  
    Sad to hear.
    All sympathies & good luck.
    Please do n't divorce your Treo at any cost, even in the worst of situation.
  15. #15  
    Sorry to hear about your troubles, BigBoy. Again, the most important thing to remember is your daughter: fill her heart and mind with loving memories of you and no one can ever take that away from her.
    I don't know your wife, but I suspect she might be capable of trying to paint an unpleasant picture of you to your child.
    Stay strong, keep your head up.
    Mobi·gas·mic!
    ___________________________________________
    T-Mobile Treo 600--> Cingular Treo 650--> Cingular 8125--> Imate JasJar--> TMobile SDA--> Cingular Blackjack --> Cingular 8525-->UBiQUiO 503g-->HP910--> HTC Fuze--> Blackberry Bold&iPod Touch
  16. #16  
    BigBoy 650,

    Sorry to hear of your difficulties

    Is there any hope at all that you can get her to do some marriage counseling with you? I have seen so many marriages in a seemingly hopeless state get turned around through some good marriage counseling. My wife and I are helping some friends through a difficult time even now, and helped another couple last year. I am not a marriage counseler, but help with some basic principals and have encouraged these wonderful friends to get some help.

    Statistics show that good marrige couseling leads to marriages that are better than they've ever been because they get down to solving some root issues; some of which can be very deeply burried and have existed since before the vows were even taken. Of course, there are usually things in the lives of both spouses that need to be worked on to be successful.

    Sopharim's link to Dr. Harley is a great resource.

    There was something there, my friend, but some other things just got in the way. You need to talk to someone who can help you guys figure out what those things are and use some proven ways of working through them and getting rid of them! If, at this present time, you yourself are not reason enough for her to agree to try some counseling, than your duaghter should be, and you should lovingly tell her that.

    I will be praying for you, man! God will give you strength!

    Wish you all the best,
    -jeff
    -jeff

    ...the Truth will set you free!
  17. #17  
    Quote Originally Posted by mediasi
    7. Build a real relationship with your daughter. She might get asked some questions. You never know.
    You meant this to be first, not last, right? Because without this, the rest is just a cruel show.
    Last edited by clulup; 08/18/2005 at 10:08 AM.
    “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” (Philip K. ****)
  18. #18  
    Quote Originally Posted by bigboy650
    The worst part is I can't get her to move out. Being the guy, I can't move out because the law is so slanted I would pay dearly for it. Any help from my TC lawyer friends would be greatly appreciated as well. Thanks gang...
    I'm so glad to hear that you know moving out is a bad thing to do for the guy. Guys move out for a trial 'separation' and when it doesn't work, what does it do? it shows that the soon to be ex-wife can take care of the kid herself setting you, the guy, up to lose the custody battle. just hope she doesn't get too dirty and pull out the he abused me/restraining order weapon to get you out of the house...

    product of divorced parents here and let me just say- NEVER EVER EVER badmouth the other parent to the kid. the kid just grows up resenting the bad mouther for the mixed feelings they gotta go through.

    anyways, don't be afraid to browse your local bookstore... might be embarrassing picking up those kinds of books, but who you really going to bump into at the bookstore anyways... maybe you wanna check out loveshack.org for some support there too. lots of broken and mended hearts and advice on those boards...

    my $0.02
    Doppelganger
    ------------------------
    Newton MP 130 > eMate 300 > Visor Solo > Palm IIIxe > Clie S320 > Clie SJ30 > Treo 650 (almost, but not quite a newton yet...)
  19. #19  
    I am really sorry to hear about your troubles. My wife made me realize that family comes first. No tombstones ever read "I wish I would have spent more time at work". She may sound like shes giving up but dont give up too. Force yourselves to talk and work for complete, open, honest communication. She may think shes taking the easy way out but its not, not usually. I dont know the circumstances but in married life for your next 20, 30 , 40 years may not all be wonderful.
  20. #20  
    Sorry man.

    Good luck on it and if it's not fixable please cover your ***. You can not spend too much for a good lawyer in this thing.
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