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  1.    #1  
    Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
  2.    #2  
    A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
  3.    #3  
    Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
  4.    #4  
    A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
  5. #5  
    LOL.

    Here's one:

    A horse walks into bar. The bartender looks at the horse and says, "Why the long face?"
    Palm III > HS Visor > Treo 600 > Treo 650 > Treo 750 > Treo Pro > PrePlus GSM

    "95% of all software issues are due to USER ERROR."
  6.    #6  
    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
  7. #7  
    a man goes to the doctor and says " I can't stop singing Delihah"
    The doctor looks at him and says "hmmm...sounds like you've got Tom Jones syndrome"
    the man replies " is that common" and the doctor says " well, it's not unusual"
  8. #8  
    Quote Originally Posted by murrayalex
    a man goes to the doctor and says " I can't stop singing Delihah"
    The doctor looks at him and says "hmmm...sounds like you've got Tom Jones syndrome"
    the man replies " is that common" and the doctor says " well, it's not unusual"
    "Do the Chickens have large talons?" Napoleon Dynamite
  9. #9  
    Quote Originally Posted by Chick-Dance
    What do you call a man with half a brain?
    * Gifted.


    What is the thinnest book in the world?
    * "What Men Know About Women"


    How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    * One ... men will screw anything.


    What's a man's idea of foreplay?
    * A half hour of begging.


    What's the difference between men and government bonds?
    * Bonds mature.


    What did God say after creating man?
    * I can do better.


    Husband: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've go nothing to put in it."
    Wife: "You wear briefs, don't you?"
    OK, you started it.

    These are our rules. Life is so easy when you (women) understand. And, yes, they are all numbered "1" on purpose.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.


    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

    Treo 300 >> Treo 600 >> Treo 650 >> Treo 755 >> Instinct >> Pre- >> TouchPad
  10. #10  
    tjd... Good work!!
    “There are four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, and ammo. Please use in that order.”
    — Ed Howdershelt
    "A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have."- Thomas Jefferson
  11. #11  
    Uh, I guess I should point out to everyone that everything in this thread is a joke. Don't take it personally. Additionally, no one get too offensive. It's a fine line, I know. I'm unsure of where it leads, but walk it. :-)
  12. #12  
    I love this thread.
    Palm V-->Visor Deluxe-->Visor Prism-->Visorphone-->Treo 180-->Treo 600-->Treo 650 on Sprint-->Treo 700p-->Centro-->Diamond-->Pre-->HTC EVO 4g???!
  13. #13  
    Quote Originally Posted by Chick-Dance
    What do you call a man with half a brain?
    * Gifted.


    What is the thinnest book in the world?
    * "What Men Know About Women"


    How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    * One ... men will screw anything.


    ...
    Hmm, strange... Say, Chick-Dance, is it possible that you have only met American men so far?
    “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” (Philip K. ****)
  14.    #14  
    hey, ONE LINERS...what happened

    Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
    Because there are twenty of them...
  15.    #15  
    What do michael jackson and Kmart have in common??

    boys pants, half-off....
  16.    #16  
    What did Michael Jackson order at the chinese restuarant?

    Sum young boy (say it fast..)
  17. #17  
    Quote Originally Posted by KRamsauer
    Uh, I guess I should point out to everyone that everything in this thread is a joke. Don't take it personally. Additionally, no one get too offensive. It's a fine line, I know. I'm unsure of where it leads, but walk it. :-)

    The fact that you had to post this is really pathetic
    “There are four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, and ammo. Please use in that order.”
    — Ed Howdershelt
    "A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have."- Thomas Jefferson
  18. #18  
    Quote Originally Posted by Woof
    The fact that you had to post this is really pathetic
    My job is to be a wet blanket. :-)
  19. mrjoec's Avatar
    Posts
    369 Posts
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    384 Global Posts
    #19  
    What's the difference betweeen a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
    You can unscrew a lightbulb.

    How did Captain Hook die?
    Jock Itch.
    mrjoec
    www.joecieplinski.com
  20. #20  
    What do you call a man with no arms or legs waterskiing?

    Skip.

    In the ocean?

    Bob.

    On your wall?

    Art.

    In the leaves?

    Rustle.

    On your front door step?

    Matt.
    Doug
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