View Poll Results: If Chick contacts the AFLAC-Duck: What he's going to say?

Voters
165. You may not vote on this poll
  • Let's meet in my limo at 4PM darlin'

    61 36.97%
  • Let me sleep on it first, Chicky

    13 7.88%
  • You? You low-class farmer chick... Scram!

    58 35.15%
  • Ha?..

    33 20.00%
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  1. #4201  
    Quote Originally Posted by tjd414
    Hmmmm ... either "Fine" or more probably "No" especially if it has to deal with a little "adult" horizontal (or otherwise ) exercise.
    My $20 consultation fee is in your PM's mailbox (sorry, I can't compete with a red bikini).
    You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
    -Michael Pritchard
  2. #4202  
    Read at your own risk
    <<<<-----------Click here
    You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
    -Michael Pritchard
  3. #4203  
    Quote Originally Posted by Oops
    Read at your own risk
    <<<<-----------Click here
    Either that or tons o' cash ...
    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

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  4. #4204  
    Having recently leased an office (open between Christmas and New Year's -- keep your fingers crossed) with unisex restroom facilities, I felt we may want to post this ... for the rest of you, just some general etiquette ...

    How to **** at Work

    We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK **** is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide (circa 2001) for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

    ESCAPEE.
    Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a **** in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

    JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
    Definition: When forcing ****, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

    COURTESY FLUSH.
    Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the **** log hits the water and the **** is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the **** has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

    WALK OF SHAME.
    Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
    Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

    THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
    Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

    SAFE HAVENS.
    Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

    TURD BURGLAR:
    Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

    CAMO-COUGH.
    Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

    ASTAIRE.
    Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can **** in peace.

    WATERMELON.
    Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

    HAVANA OMELET.
    Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

    UNCLE TED.
    Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

    FLY BY.
    Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

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  5. #4205  
    I HAVE TO DROP THE KIDS OFF AT THE POOL.
    Definition: A code phrase used by those in the know to indicate a trip to the bathroom is required. The phrase user can me mistaken for a TURD BURGLAR if there is a sense of urgency and the a FLY BY is impossible.
  6. #4206  
    LMAO while walking my dog
    Palm III > HS Visor > Treo 600 > Treo 650 > Treo 750 > Treo Pro > PrePlus GSM

    "95% of all software issues are due to USER ERROR."
  7. #4207  
    Quote Originally Posted by clulup
    Ok, here's a simple puzzle for a lazy weekend:

    There is a room with 17 vaults, labelled 1 to 17. In each vault there are 20 to 30 gold bars. All gold bars look exactly the same, but there is a problem: one vault contains exclusively real gold bars, in the rest of the vaults all bars are fake and worthless. The only observable difference of the bars is the weight: The real gold bars are 1050 grams, the fake gold bars are 1000 grams.

    You can keep all the bars of one vault, so you want to know which one contains the real gold bars.

    Here's what you can do:

    (1) You may take out any number of fake or real gold bars out of any of the vaults.

    (2) You may weigh any combination of the bars on a scale (the scale can easily detect gram differences in a range of 1 to 500 kg). However: you may only weigh ONCE (1 times), meaning you may put all the bars you want on the scale, read the weight the scale returns, think for a while, and name the number of the vault containing the real gold bars.

    Ready, steady, go....
    Hey, what's going on, nobody interested in the gold bars in the vault??
    “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” (Philip K. ****)
  8. #4208  
    Quote Originally Posted by clulup
    Hey, what's going on, nobody interested in the gold bars in the vault??
    I'm backing up my armored truck and taking them all ... then in a quiet spot I will weigh one bar from each vault. I will then take all the gold bars from that vault.

    The police will not chase me as the bank from whom I liberated the gold had been stealing it for years and replacing it with the fake gold bars. In order that they not be found out, they do not report it to the police.

    After my gold is securely stored, I however, do call the police to report a truck I found that was filled with what looked to be gold bars.

    I retreat to my three villas, spending time in each as the weather demands. One in the Napa Valley (where I produce a stunning Petite Syrah), one in Italy (where we produce the finest olive oil and Barolo) and one in Switzerland, perhaps Austria, (where I enjoy a nice Eiswein from time to time) and live out my life as a retired "gentleman."
    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

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  9. #4209  
    Quote Originally Posted by Chick-Dance
    Go Minnesota volleyball! (http://www.ncaasports.com/volleyball...coreboard/div1) The Final Four starting today
    I guess those gals from the beach overcame the cold ... were you there?

    Link
    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

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  10. #4210  
    Quote Originally Posted by Chick-Dance
    Can anyone guess how cold it is right now in Minneapolis? Gosh, it feels like the North Pole!
    According to the Weather Channel the temp went down 47 degrees in 24 hours....they are mystified as there was no front forcast for that area. My personal opinion is that Mr. Chicky got a little amorous and was Shot Down with the Cold Chicky Shoulder. Thus the whole area entered a deep freeze.
    "Do the Chickens have large talons?" Napoleon Dynamite
  11. #4211  
    Quote Originally Posted by clulup
    Hey, what's going on, nobody interested in the gold bars in the vault??
    No, Nyet, Nein, Negative, No.....

    I did spend 30 seconds googleing it....The highest return came back with a website called..... www.doyoureallycare.com I didn't.
    "Do the Chickens have large talons?" Napoleon Dynamite
  12. #4212  
    Quote Originally Posted by ACDriver
    According to the Weather Channel the temp went down 47 degrees in 24 hours....they are mystified as there was no front forcast for that area. My personal opinion is that Mr. Chicky got a little amorous and was Shot Down with the Cold Chicky Shoulder. Thus the whole area entered a deep freeze.
    LOL
    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

    Treo 300 >> Treo 600 >> Treo 650 >> Treo 755 >> Instinct >> Pre- >> TouchPad
  13. #4213  
    Quote Originally Posted by ACDriver
    No, Nyet, Nein, Negative, No.....

    I did spend 30 seconds googleing it....The highest return came back with a website called..... www.doyoureallycare.com I didn't.
    Since the page is not available ... they must not either!
    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

    Treo 300 >> Treo 600 >> Treo 650 >> Treo 755 >> Instinct >> Pre- >> TouchPad
  14. #4214  
    Quote Originally Posted by clulup
    Hey, what's going on, nobody interested in the gold bars in the vault??
    I'm guessing you need 4 bars from each vault...but haven't gotten the rest
    Palm III > HS Visor > Treo 600 > Treo 650 > Treo 750 > Treo Pro > PrePlus GSM

    "95% of all software issues are due to USER ERROR."
  15. #4215  
    Quote Originally Posted by Chick-Dance
    Silly Dragon.....
    Wrong person ... "Silly" goes with Oops!
    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

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  16. #4216  
    Quote Originally Posted by tjd414
    Wrong person ... "Silly" goes with Oops!

    Yeah, I am more comfortable with "stupid" or "insane", or even "lunatic".
    "Do the Chickens have large talons?" Napoleon Dynamite
  17. #4217  
    Quote Originally Posted by Chick-Dance
    My bad
    Hey: Currently in Minneapolis the temperature is -4°F (yes, that's MINUS!) and I froze my fanny walking the family dog....
    Going for a HOT shower....laterz.....
    It's those dresses I tell ya!
    << My command as we escape Palm HQ with a new Pre 3>>.

    Treo 300 >> Treo 600 >> Treo 650 >> Treo 755 >> Instinct >> Pre- >> TouchPad
  18. #4218  
    Quote Originally Posted by ACDriver
    Yeah, I am more comfortable with "stupid" or "insane", or even "lunatic".
    Me too
    You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
    -Michael Pritchard
  19. #4219  
    Quote Originally Posted by Chick-Dance
    ...Oops: We need to talk; you're in trouble
    I love being in trouble....talk to me Chicken!
    You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
    -Michael Pritchard
  20. #4220  
    Quote Originally Posted by jpahl
    Good answer! But not the one on my answer card, which is:
    - the last america's cup was won by alinghi backed by ernesto bertarelli
    - mr bertarelli's wife is called Kirsty
    - Kirsty was a beauty queen and was Miss UK
    - she also writes music, including a song called "black coffee" (about her husband)
    - which was bought and used by the all saints
    Cool. Bertarelli sure is a lucky guy... a few billion dollars (some of them not inherited), winner of the America's cup, and a pretty and talented wife.
    “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” (Philip K. ****)

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