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  1. #9561  
    Useless facts:
    dbdoinit: 40
    namguy: 38
    RoLLEmUp: 68
    sudoer: 218
  2. #9562  
    Quote Originally Posted by dbdoinit View Post
    Useless fact:


    If you yell for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
    I'm still waiting for the day that a good fart app can do the same!
    I'm both super! ... and a doer!
  3. #9563  
    Quote Originally Posted by GuyFromNam View Post
    Useless facts:
    dbdoinit: 40
    namguy: 38
    RoLLEmUp: 68
    sudoer: 218
    I've only won by a factor of three. (I better get working!)

    (Oops, I just broke the rules with accidental back to back posts.) Never mind, we are not to "80" yet.
    I'm both super! ... and a doer!
  4. #9564  
    Quote Originally Posted by dbdoinit View Post
    Useless fact:


    The ant always falls over on its right side when poisoned.
    I would not expect it to fall over on the wrong side! (although, if ants have "mitochondria", perhaps they are capable of falling to the "dark side")
    I'm both super! ... and a doer!
  5. #9565  
    One llama can spit up to 20 feet. 20 llamas can too.
    If you like my Themes, please donate! Thanks!

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  6. #9566  
    Chris Farley was one of the best!
    Pre|central Peacekeepers

    "Keeping the smart phone world at peace one PALM at a time"

    Me and Dropbox, sitting in a tree. S-Y-N-C-I-N-G. http://db.tt/qetBsiR
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  7. #9567  
    This space for rent or lease. Inquire within.
  8. #9568  
    I wish i had some useless facts...

    Useless fact- RoLLEr-Coaster has no useless facts to share
    Pre|central Peacekeepers

    "Keeping the smart phone world at peace one PALM at a time"

    Me and Dropbox, sitting in a tree. S-Y-N-C-I-N-G. http://db.tt/qetBsiR
    Sign up and get 250mb of extra space FREE
  9. #9569  
    If you like my Themes, please donate! Thanks!

    http://wiseguyandbeyond.blogspot.com

    http://wiseguyandbeyond.blogspot.com
  10.    #9570  
    Useful facts:

    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

    Married men lived longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

    Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

    A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  11.    #9571  
    Dear Tech Support,

    Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!

    Sincerely,
    XXX

    *

    Dear XXX,

    This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

    In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than* encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

    TECH TIP!
    Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

    Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

    A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

    I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

    Tech Support

    *

    Follow-up mail from tech support:

    Dear XXX,

    Your Husband 1.0 has been infected with the Mistress 2.1 virus. Try
    Divorce 3.5 to remove present headaches.

    Tech support
  12. #9572  
    Go Go gadget Useless facts!
    Pre|central Peacekeepers

    "Keeping the smart phone world at peace one PALM at a time"

    Me and Dropbox, sitting in a tree. S-Y-N-C-I-N-G. http://db.tt/qetBsiR
    Sign up and get 250mb of extra space FREE
  13.    #9573  
    Its amazing what effect temperature has on things...

    60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).

    50 Miami residents turn on the heat.

    40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

    35 Italian cars don't start.

    32 Water freezes.

    30 You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on T-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. British cars don't start.

    25 Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

    20 You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further south.

    15 French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

    10 Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

    5 You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start.

    0 Alaskans put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.

    -10 German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

    -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

    -20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.

    -25 Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

    -30 You plan a two week hot bath. The Mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.

    -40 Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweaters.
    Your car helps you plan your trip south.

    -50 Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window.

    -80 Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south.

    -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
    Last edited by dbdoinit; 09/30/2010 at 01:23 PM.
  14. #9574  
    I think Husband 1.0 has a hold on Dbd. (He is quickly trying to get to the next 100 mark! He must have a hot date with the Mrs. tonight!)

    We'll know for sure once we confirm his absence this evening!
    I'm both super! ... and a doer!
  15.    #9575  
    Quote Originally Posted by sudoer View Post
    I think Husband 1.0 has a hold on Dbd. (He is quickly trying to get to the next 100 mark! He must have a hot date with the Mrs. tonight!)

    We'll know for sure once we confirm his absence this evening!
    lol lol
  16. #9576  
    Quote Originally Posted by dbdoinit View Post
    -30 ... The Mighty Monongahela freezes. ...
    Yep, I used to live there (and I never saw it frozen).
    I'm both super! ... and a doer!
  17.    #9577  
    To: Tech Support

    Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of the phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

    In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0, but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?

    Mr. At A. Loss


    To: Mr. At A. Loss

    This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything.

    It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than their original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

    Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPSs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The
    best course of action will be to push the apologize button, then the reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFS. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very
    high maintenance.
  18.    #9578  
    Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

    Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

    Nothing - This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

    Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

    Go Ahead -* (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

    <Loud Sigh> - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an ***** at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

    <Soft Sigh> - Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

    That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

    Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

    Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".

    Thanks A Lot - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".
  19. #9579  
    .... sure everyone knows that Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, and a peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked, but if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
    If you like my Themes, please donate! Thanks!

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  20. #9580  
    If you like my Themes, please donate! Thanks!

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