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  1. #141  
    how do blind people know when they are done
  2.    #142  
    Quote Originally Posted by Micael View Post
    A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush's home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

    As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

    Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

    "Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

    "Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling.

    But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ***?"

    "No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's ***."

    "That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

    After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."
    LoL, that's the best one from you so far.
  3. srswarley's Avatar
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    #143  
    A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink.

    The bartender comes over and says "What are you doing here, we don't serve your kind here, get out."

    The mushroom looks up at the bartender and says "Why not, I'm a fun-guy..."
  4. Micael's Avatar
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    #144  
    Quote Originally Posted by Cantaffordit View Post
    what's another word for thesaurus?
    onomasticon
    The Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
  5.    #145  
    Quote Originally Posted by bsburnham View Post
    A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink.

    The bartender comes over and says "What are you doing here, we don't serve your kind here, get out."

    The mushroom looks up at the bartender and says "Why not, I'm a fun-guy..."
    "Ba-da bum" lol
  6. #146  
    Quote Originally Posted by Micael View Post
    onomasticon
    OM NOM NOMasticon?

    Follow me on teh Twitterz
  7.    #147  
    lol lol lol
  8. #148  
    ok - I'm a typical guy, gets confused easily and not always quite sure whats going on.

    The only way I know if I'm coming or going is because its color coded!
  9. #149  
    Once there were three Indian women. They were all pregnant, and they slept in their husbands' teepees on animal skins that they had killed or traded for.

    The first slept on a deer skin.

    The second slept on a bear skin.

    The third slept on a hippopotamus skin.

    All three had their children on the full moon. The first had a strong baby boy. The second also had a strong baby boy. The third had twins.

    This just proves that the sons of the squaw of the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
    Follow me on teh Twitterz
  10.    #150  
    A man and woman are having a relationship for about 4 months now. One Friday night, they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go get some food at a local restaurant near their respective homes. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.

    Her story:
    **********

    He was in a strange mood when I got to the bar last night, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late, but he didn't say anything much about it.

    The conversation was slow-going, so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he's still acting a little funny. I try to cheer him up, but I start to wonder if it is me or something else. I ask him and he says no. But you know I am not really sure.

    Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I tell him that I love him and he just puts his arm around me. I don't know what the hell this means because you know he doesn't say it back or anything!

    We finally get back to his place and I am wondering if he is going to dump me. So I try to ask him about it, but he just switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say I am going to go to sleep. Then, after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave.

    I don't know, I just don't know, what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else????

    His story:
    **********

    Lousy day at work, i was flat-out broke and tired. Got some action though.
    Last edited by dbdoinit; 06/24/2010 at 01:48 PM.
  11. Micael's Avatar
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    #151  
    Quote Originally Posted by Spader View Post
    OM NOM NOMasticon?
    That's better than the first image that came to mind - Yoko Ono getting off while wearing an orange prisoners jumpsuit.

    ono-masti-con

    Go ahead.... take your time. You'll see it too. Scary, right?
    The Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
  12. srswarley's Avatar
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    #152  
    Quote Originally Posted by Micael View Post
    That's better than the first image that came to mind - Yoko Ono getting off while wearing an orange prisoners jumpsuit.

    ono-masti-con

    Go ahead.... take your time. You'll see it too. Scary, right?
  13.    #153  
    A husband and wife were driving down a country road on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged down.

    After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
    He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.

    The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."

    The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"

    "No", the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the road."
  14. #154  
    I heard that the CEO of AT&T got married recently. The service was great but the reception was terrible.
  15.    #155  
    Quote Originally Posted by Cantaffordit View Post
    I heard that the CEO of AT&T got married recently. The service was great but the reception was terrible.
    Lol, that's a good one.
  16. #156  
    Quote Originally Posted by Cantaffordit View Post
    I heard that the CEO of AT&T got married recently. The service was great but the reception was terrible.
    lol this one got me good
  17. #157  
    A man was walking lost in the desert on a camel. Eventually the camel died, and the man struggled to continue on foot. Finally he came over a hill and found a street vendor selling ties. The man asked who would possibly buy ties this far out in the desert. The clerk said he was just an employee, and he was sorry that he couldn't help with anything but ties.

    The traveler continued in to the next day. As the sun was going down, and he could barely crawl, he came upon a small restaurant. Being sure it was just a mirage, he opened the door and went in. The host stopped him instantly, and said "pardon me sir, but you can't come in here without a tie.
  18.    #158  
    How do you fix a woman's watch?

    You don't... there's a clock on the oven.
  19. #159  
    people, don't let this thread die!
  20. #160  
    How many men does it take to open a beer? None, it should be open when she brings it to you...
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