Page 7 of 12 FirstFirst ... 23456789101112 LastLast
Results 121 to 140 of 237
  1. #121  
    this thread is almost PREpostarous as my spelling lol
  2. #122  
    Do you know why they call it PMS?



    Because mad cow disease was already taken!
  3. #123  
    A salesman with OCD loves soul food but is very particular about the restaurants he eats in. One day in Atlanta he sees a billboard for "Momma's Soul Food - the cleanest restaurant in the world, the human hand never touches the food here". So off he goes for dinner.

    The place is perfect. White linen on the tables and the waiters. He orders his food the waiter delivers it and places it on his plate with a pair of thongs. He enjoys his meal and when the waiter delivers the bill he compliments the waiter on the food and his appearance but has one question: "Why is there a string hanging out of your fly"? The waiter says the place is so clean he's not allowed to reach in and pull it out when he goes to the restroom. He has to keep it lassoed in the string to get it out. The customer is astonished by this act of cleanliness but then wonders: "How do you get it back in"? The waiter replies...

    I don't know about the rest of the fellas, but I use these thongs!
    Last edited by mofishmgr; 06/22/2010 at 08:53 PM.
  4. #124  
    Did you hear BP stopped the oil leak? They put a wedding band around the pipe and it stopped putting out.
  5. #125  
    A drunk walks into a saloon and begs the waiter to let him do something to earn a few drinks. The bartender tells him if he can make the mule out back laugh, he can drink free all night. The drunk agrees and heads out back. In 10 seconds he's sitting at the bar with a bottle in one hand and the mule rolling on the ground laughing.

    the next night the drunk shows up at the same bar again wondering how he can earn a few drinks. The bartender says if he can make the mule cry, since it's still laughing, he'll drink for free. Ten seconds later the mules crying and the drunk is demanding his bottle. The bartender has to know how he did it. The drunk explains; " yesterday I told him I was hung heavier than him, today I proved it to him".
  6. #126  
    An Irishman walks by a bar...

    hey, it could happen!
  7.    #127  
    Quote Originally Posted by mofishmgr View Post
    Did you hear BP stopped the oil leak? They put a wedding band around the pipe and it stopped putting out.
    http://forums.precentral.net/off-top...-bp-fixed.html

    But thanks.
  8. #128  
    and I read every joke posted in this thread to make sure I didn't do that.
  9.    #129  
    Quote Originally Posted by mofishmgr View Post
    and I read every joke posted in this thread to make sure I didn't do that.
    Lol, yep, damned if you do, damned if you don't. That was ALOT of reading that you put yourself through.
  10. #130  
    yeah, but got a few good chuckles along the way.
  11.    #131  
    Quote Originally Posted by mofishmgr View Post
    yeah, but got a few good chuckles along the way.
    Good. That's the purpose of it.
  12. #132  
    What did the mommy volcano say to the baby volcano?

    I lav-a you
  13.    #133  
    Quote Originally Posted by runukraine View Post
    What did the mommy volcano say to the baby volcano?

    I lav-a you
    Who's bigger; Mr. Bigger or baby Bigger?










    Baby Bigger, because he's a little Bigger.
  14. #134  
    LOL! Kudos to DBD (who still has time to post with his new job!?!) I'm afraid I have a more "Dice-Clay" type humor and my jokes may be a bit over the top for here??? I have a couple tamer jokes... Please tell me to GTFO if I cross the line.

    /takes sip of Stoli & OJ

    Why do Scottsman wear kilts??

    ...cause sheep can hear zippers!


    What's the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral?

    ...One less drunk.

    *Badum-bum*

    /hides backstage
  15.    #135  
    Quote Originally Posted by cobrakon View Post
    LOL! Kudos to DBD (who still has time to post with his new job!?!) I'm afraid I have a more "Dice-Clay" type humor and my jokes may be a bit over the top for here??? I have a couple tamer jokes... Please tell me to GTFO if I cross the line.

    /takes sip of Stoli & OJ

    Why do Scottsman wear kilts??

    ...cause sheep can hear zippers!


    What's the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral?

    ...One less drunk.

    *Badum-bum*

    /hides backstage
    LoL LoL

    I had to quickly sign back on just to thank you for that.
    I used to go the club in B'klyn (Pip's, on Emmons Ave.) where Dice made a name for himself.

    Ok, goin' back to sleep now.
  16. #136  
    Two guys are sitting on a porch in Arkansas and the old hound laying in the yard starts to lick himself. One guy says to the other; "I wish I could do that". To which the other replies; "that dog would bite you"!
  17. #137  
    Confucious say: tis better to be silent and thought to be an *****, than to speak up and remove all doubt.
  18. Micael's Avatar
    Posts
    736 Posts
    Global Posts
    739 Global Posts
    #138  
    A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush's home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

    As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

    Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

    "Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

    "Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling.

    But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ***?"

    "No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's ***."

    "That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

    After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."
    The Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
  19. #139  
    what's another word for thesaurus?
  20. #140  
    A gorgeous woman in Dallas was forced to take the bus due to car problems. As she tries to get on the bus her tight leather skirt keeps her from getting her foot up up to the first step. To gain some room she reaches back an unzips the back of her skirt a bit. After three attempts and further unzipping, the big Texan behind her grabs her by the waist and boosts her up on the bus. Shocked she turns around and says "how dare you pick me up like that? I don't even know you". He replies, "well ma'am, since you unzipped my fly three times, I figured it would be OK".

Posting Permissions