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  1. #41  
    Why was the archeologist depressed? Because his career was in ruins!
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  2.    #42  
    Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

    Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

    Woman: Oh, I see.

    Officer: Can I see your license please?

    Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

    Officer: Don't have one?

    Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

    Woman: I can't do that.

    Officer: Why not?

    Woman: I stole this car.

    Officer: Stole it?

    Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

    Officer: You what?

    Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
    to see.

    The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
    calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
    officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

    Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

    The woman steps out of her vehicle.

    Woman: Is there a problem sir?

    Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
    car and murdered the owner.

    Woman: Murdered the owner?

    Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
    please.

    The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

    Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

    Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

    The first officer is stunned.

    Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
    license.

    The woman digs into her bag, pulls out a purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

    Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
    have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
    up the owner.

    Woman: I betcha the lying told you I was speeding too!
    Last edited by dbdoinit; 06/02/2010 at 03:28 PM.
  3. #43  
    What do you call a man with turf on his head?

    Pete!
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  4. #44  
    Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?

    He had no body to go with!
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  5. #45  
    A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar... the bartender says "What is this, a joke?"
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  6.    #46  
    Quote Originally Posted by Spader View Post
    A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar... the bartender says "What is this, a joke?"
    lol
  7. #47  
    Another thank-able joke....

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts"
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  8.    #48  
    Quote Originally Posted by pogeypre View Post
    Another thank-able joke....

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts"
    lol lol (Thanks soon to follow, as soon as i switch over from mobile side)
  9. #49  
    A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar.
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  10. #50  
    A leprechaun walks into a bar. The bartender serves him and says, "That'll be $2.50." The leprechaun puts two dollar bills on the bar and starts walking away. The barkeep shouts, "You're a little short!"
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  11. #51  
    A three legged dog walk into a bar and says "I'm looking for the guy that shot my pa"
  12. #52  
    A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."

    A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
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  13. #53  
    For Ryley if he shows up here...

    A Canadian guy walks into a bar. He sits down and on the stool next to him is some footwear. The man says to the bartender, "What's this - a boot?"
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  14. #54  
    A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a cold one. The bartender gives it to him and says "that will be $25."
    A minute later making conversation the bartender says "We don't get many gorillas round these parts."
    The gorilla replies "At these prices, you won't get many more, either!"
  15. #55  
    A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"
  16. #56  
    A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."
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  17. #57  
    E-flat walks into a bar, The bartender says, sorry, we don't serve minors......
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  18. #58  
    What do you call a Bohemian that gets thrown out of a bar?

    A bounced Czech
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  19. #59  
    ..... this is what happens when I am not busy at work.
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  20. #60  
    It's the Christmas season and a guy walks into a bar in Atlanta, GA and notices a Nativity Scene behind the bar. The Tree Wise Men are all wearing fireman's hats. He asks the bartender why the Magi are wearing fireman's hats and the barkeep says, "Well, everyone knows that they came from afar." (a fire... get it... )
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