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  1.    #1  
    Running around in the great outdoors
    gives one clarity that you can’t ignore.
    Today I have come to see my friends the geese.
    It does sound strange, to say in the least.

    This afternoon finds me out for a stroll
    carrying all that’s left of my lunch; a roll.
    As I pick it apart and throw it the fowl
    the anger inside me begins to howl

    How unfortunate are creatures that live day to day
    off man’s charity instead of finding their own way
    We do such disservice to all of God’s creations
    by removing all obstacles from their situation

    When one learns so much for trials and such
    it makes me wonder what I’m doing with my lunch.
    Is it logical for me to help them so they don’t struggle?
    or is it my misguided kindness that causes them to stumble.

    Maybe we would be much better off
    if we learned to manage without all this stuff.
    A bailout is what you need when you’re drowning,
    but it’s harmful when all you’re doing is floundering.

    Finding strength that seems beyond ones ability
    is the reason we grow into something more sturdy.
    The geese wander around and live off scraps
    Not realizing that doing such things is merely a trap.

    How long will they be able to grow stronger
    when my bread and I aren't here any longer?
    Feeding the geese is something that so fleetingly helps,
    when all that they learn is to live off someone else.

    As I ponder the geese, my temperature goes low
    because it is so very cold, it’s likely to snow.
    To my dear friends the geese I joyfully wave
    hoping tomorrow they will be much more brave

    To those who think that your life would be better
    if someone just handed over their sweater...
    Remember my friends what we have learned from the geese
    and know you have more than you need to have your own feast.
    Last edited by pogeypre; 02/23/2010 at 05:28 PM.
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  2. #2  
    Wow, I must admit I opened this thread with a sense of 'Oh god, it's a poem on an Internet forum... brace yourself' but you used it brilliantly to convey a particularly poignant statement. Very relevant in these times.

    If I could make some constructive criticism, I'm not a huge fan of verses 2 or 3 - I think if you remove them from the poem it becomes much more concise and powerful. (Hope you don't mind me suggesting that, I have no idea what etiquette is regarding poems )

    Really great work though
  3.    #3  
    Quote Originally Posted by SqyArc View Post
    Wow, I must admit I opened this thread with a sense of 'Oh god, it's a poem on an Internet forum... brace yourself' but you used it brilliantly to convey a particularly poignant statement. Very relevant in these times.

    If I could make some constructive criticism, I'm not a huge fan of verses 2 or 3 - I think if you remove them from the poem it becomes much more concise and powerful. (Hope you don't mind me suggesting that, I have no idea what etiquette is regarding poems )

    Really great work though
    2 and 3 were basically to set the tone of where I was (actual spot). I totally don't mind constructive criticism. I may rewrite and condense. Thanks! I removed the two verses...


    Walking around the building in the cool spring air
    Makes me an object of certain ridicule and stares.
    Buffeted by the wind in a temperature quite drastic
    Makes me wonder why, at home, I had left my jacket.

    Wandering down to the water filled manmade contraption
    I find creatures that can teach me more than I can imagine.
    These geese are here the whole year ‘round
    Waiting for food that is so likely to be found.
    Last edited by pogeypre; 02/23/2010 at 04:55 PM.
    If you like my Themes, please donate! Thanks!

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  4. pre1561's Avatar
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    #4  
    No, don't leave them in there they set the stage for what you'r trying to get across. With more people turning against what is going on politically in the U.S. I think something like this is extreamly important. Sorry, sqyarc, but I disagree.
  5. #5  
    Quote Originally Posted by pre1561 View Post
    No, don't leave them in there they set the stage for what you'r trying to get across. With more people turning against what is going on politically in the U.S. I think something like this is extreamly important. Sorry, sqyarc, but I disagree.
    That's ok, no need to apologise for saying how it is But just so you know I think pogeypre already edited the initial post... so when I say 'verses 2 and 3' I meant the old ones, which were:

    Walking around the building in the cool spring air
    Makes me an object of certain ridicule and stares.
    Buffeted by the wind in a temperature quite drastic
    Makes me wonder why, at home, I had left my jacket.

    Wandering down to the water filled manmade contraption
    I find creatures that can teach me more than I can imagine.
    These geese are here the whole year ‘round
    Waiting for food that is so likely to be found.


    But in either case, great poem

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