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  1. #21  
    I have been married for 20 years and I have learned three things. Yes Dear, I'm sorry Dear, and You're right Dear....Oh yeah and they always win.
  2. tp2386's Avatar
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    #22  
    Quote Originally Posted by cdritch24 View Post
    I have been married for 20 years and I have learned three things. Yes Dear, I'm sorry Dear, and You're right Dear....Oh yeah and they always win.
    Exactly. I have learned to accept defeat when it comes to almost all arguments even though I know im right. It has saved me a lot of headaches.
  3.    #23  
    Quote Originally Posted by tp2386 View Post
    Exactly. I have learned to accept defeat when it comes to almost all arguments even though I know im right. It has saved me a lot of headaches.
    Same here.
  4. #24  
    Although I'm very happily married, what seems to help me day-to-day is trying to remember that, for the most part, women are "feelers" and men are "fixers". Women will relate stories/experiences full of relationships, emotions, and what may appear to a man to be minute detail. Men, in my opinion, tend to stick to the facts and are brief. How many of you guys never tell your significant female anything about work because you know there is nothing they can do to help?

    The thing is, women want you to listen and appreciate what they are saying. They do not necessarily want you to fix the problem. Men tend to talk about things with the goal being, fix it and move on. Those two differences have always seemed at odds to me.

    Also, the key to listening is to appear that you are paying attention even if you are not. If you can recite the last 5 things a woman said but the entire time you were playing with your Pre versus looking at her, you're screwed. Instead, you need to look at her, indicate agreement, and give her the impression you are paying attention to her even if your thoughts are elsewhere. It matters less if you pay attention to the problem and more if you pay attention to her.

    As easy as that sounds, I find it extremely difficult to pull off. Listening to someone I care about and not trying to help is counter to my nature. My attitude is, why waste my time telling me about something if you don't want my advice or opinion? However, my life is peaceful when I'm able to accomplish this so I have to go against my instincts.

    Just my $0.02
  5. tannyo's Avatar
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    #25  
    The Love and Respect program helped my wife and I quite a bit. There are books, conferences, DVDs of the conferences and a download of the conferences. I use the downloaded version on my Pre. Friends of ours loaned us the DVD set (5) and my wife and I liked them so much I bought and downloaded the iPod/computer version of the complete conference and also bought the DVD set with learning manual.

    Husbands must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands.

    Emerson writes, "You may remember how the Beatles sang, 'All you need is love.' I absolutely disagree with that conclusion. Five out of ten marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband's need for respect. This Love and Respect message is about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what he needs -- respect. And the husband can fulfill his need to be respected by giving his wife what she needs -- love. Does this always work? No. But if one is married to a person of good will, I would bet the farm that it would work!"
    The program is based on Ephesians 5:33. Husbands must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands. However, that is the extent of the "Christian" message. This is good for Christians and non-Christians alike. If you want to save your marriage (it saved mine) or simply learn how to communicate with the opposite gender, I really recommend this to you. Go to the site and listen to free movies.

    Another option is a book called His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley. Marriage Builders. Out of the following top ten emotional needs which are yours and which are your spouse's?

    • admiration
    • affection
    • conversation
    • domestic support
    • family commitment
    • financial support
    • honesty and openness
    • physical attractiveness
    • recreational companionship
    • sexual fulfillment

    This book helps you to identify the needs of your spouse and meet those needs. If you're not married it helps you identify the most common needs of the opposite gender. This book helped me when I was dating.
  6. Helidos's Avatar
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    #26  
    Quote Originally Posted by Spader View Post
    [PATCH REQUEST] 'Woman Speak' To English Translation Service In Universal Search

    hahaha
    No need

    Your right...
    I'm sorry...
    I should have listen to you...

    Once I learned those three phases and some crafty improv versions my marriage has improved 200%
  7.    #27  
    Quote Originally Posted by helidos View Post
    No need

    Your right...
    I'm sorry...
    I should have listen to you...

    Once I learned those three phases and some crafty improv versions my marriage has improved 200%
    LOL- Been there.
  8.    #28  
    Quote Originally Posted by MarkY View Post
    Although I'm very happily married, what seems to help me day-to-day is trying to remember that, for the most part, women are "feelers" and men are "fixers". Women will relate stories/experiences full of relationships, emotions, and what may appear to a man to be minute detail. Men, in my opinion, tend to stick to the facts and are brief. How many of you guys never tell your significant female anything about work because you know there is nothing they can do to help?

    The thing is, women want you to listen and appreciate what they are saying. They do not necessarily want you to fix the problem. Men tend to talk about things with the goal being, fix it and move on. Those two differences have always seemed at odds to me.

    Also, the key to listening is to appear that you are paying attention even if you are not. If you can recite the last 5 things a woman said but the entire time you were playing with your Pre versus looking at her, you're screwed. Instead, you need to look at her, indicate agreement, and give her the impression you are paying attention to her even if your thoughts are elsewhere. It matters less if you pay attention to the problem and more if you pay attention to her.

    As easy as that sounds, I find it extremely difficult to pull off. Listening to someone I care about and not trying to help is counter to my nature. My attitude is, why waste my time telling me about something if you don't want my advice or opinion? However, my life is peaceful when I'm able to accomplish this so I have to go against my instincts.

    Just my $0.02
    I could not have said this any better.
    It's so very true.
  9. #29  
    Quote Originally Posted by BMIC50 View Post
    Well, my wife and I are newly weds, and we were trying to address our differences in communication and decision-making. I am not a talker. Talking is a tool to get things done. For her, its a tool to bond. Its the same as me, but with a different (maybe more focused) priority than mine to solve an issue. Decision-making is also a big difference we have. I have been used to making decisions as quickly as possible (played basketball through college, ran my mother's janitorial business when she was hospitalized when I was 15) and she has been sheltered most of her life. I want 4 trees cut down and she has taken over 24hrs (and counting) to decide if we should part with the money, even though we have run the budget twice. Her priority is financial security, and mine is physical security (the pine trees are dead from pine beetles).

    Maybe this is just my issue with women, but their priorities are different....way different.
    You have lost your pants already. A good relationship is one of give and take BOTH way. Your loosing but it is not too late.

    Quote Originally Posted by DoubleCutter View Post
    Women don't think, so much as they feel. I was married for twenty years. Was. I'm sad that it ended, and one of the lessons I learned which may apply to you is that your female partner isn't interested in, or impressed by, your decision-making capabilities. When a problem surfaces, our instinctive reaction is to throw solutions at it. There is a problem, and it needs to be solved, right? Wrong. She wants you to understand how she feels about the situation, and she'd like her feelings validated.
    Twenty years here too with second wife. You are 100% correct. I just look her dead in the eye (up close) when it gets that way and tell her I WILL HANDLE IT and you have nothing to worry about. Ok? The dead in the eye thing with the word ok, makes it work.
    Women in general think with emotions. Men in general think with logic. Emotion thinks of others. Logic tends not to but makes things work in the most productive way. There is little emotion in logic. Emotion is logical.
    Quote Originally Posted by cdritch24 View Post
    I have been married for 20 years and I have learned three things. Yes Dear, I'm sorry Dear, and You're right Dear....Oh yeah and they always win.
    And you do not let them know that you DO STILL wear the pants and do what you want anyways. You have to just let them think it was their idea. It is a chess game. Logic can overcome emotions in most cases.

    And guys - Just remember to keep you ball bearings!

    Old joke - I new a guy that figured women out. He died laughing.
  10. #30  
    Quote Originally Posted by tannyo View Post
    The Love and Respect program helped my wife and I quite a bit. There are books, conferences, DVDs of the conferences and a download of the conferences. I use the downloaded version on my Pre. Friends of ours loaned us the DVD set (5) and my wife and I liked them so much I bought and downloaded the iPod/computer version of the complete conference and also bought the DVD set with learning manual.



    The program is based on Ephesians 5:33. Husbands must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands. However, that is the extent of the "Christian" message. This is good for Christians and non-Christians alike. If you want to save your marriage (it saved mine) or simply learn how to communicate with the opposite gender, I really recommend this to you. Go to the site and listen to free movies.

    Another option is a book called His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley. Marriage Builders. Out of the following top ten emotional needs which are yours and which are your spouse's?

    • admiration
    • affection
    • conversation
    • domestic support
    • family commitment
    • financial support
    • honesty and openness
    • physical attractiveness
    • recreational companionship
    • sexual fulfillment

    This book helps you to identify the needs of your spouse and meet those needs. If you're not married it helps you identify the most common needs of the opposite gender. This book helped me when I was dating.
    I agree. "Love and Respect" is a great resource.
  11. #31  
    Quote Originally Posted by dbd View Post
    No no no, buddyboy. I just turned 40 and have been married for almost five. There is nothing NOTHING NOTHING easy about it. You're the lucky one.
    APPRECIATE all that time you have to yourself. You will NEVER get it back again. NEVER!
    Uh huh.

    You have one woman to appease, who is used to you and your ways already. Now imagine someone our age who you are trying to date. Who is already set in her ways, and also has her picture of an ideal man, and isn't willing to settle for less, or for one she can't twist into that mold. You're just one guy out of hundreds who are approaching her, so you are disposable. Bend to her will, or it's over.

    There's a reason they are still single....

    "You're too clingy, why do you call me so often? I need more space!" followed the next night by an IMMEDIATE call to me when I simply texted her "I'm tired, going to bed, hope you have a great night!" screaming at me for being so impersonal to text instead of call.

    And that one wasn't the worst.

    I went from trying to find a psychosis I can live with to maybe, possibly, just finding one I can tolerate.

    The current gf, however, has been great so far :-) The only issue I have is the smoking, and she's doing that less since she's been with me.
  12. tp2386's Avatar
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    #32  
    Quote Originally Posted by knobbysideup View Post
    Uh huh.

    You have one woman to appease, who is used to you and your ways already. Now imagine someone our age who you are trying to date. Who is already set in her ways, and also has her picture of an ideal man, and isn't willing to settle for less, or for one she can't twist into that mold. You're just one guy out of hundreds who are approaching her, so you are disposable. Bend to her will, or it's over.

    There's a reason they are still single....

    "You're too clingy, why do you call me so often? I need more space!" followed the next night by an IMMEDIATE call to me when I simply texted her "I'm tired, going to bed, hope you have a great night!" screaming at me for being so impersonal to text instead of call.

    And that one wasn't the worst.

    I went from trying to find a psychosis I can live with to maybe, possibly, just finding one I can tolerate.

    The current gf, however, has been great so far :-) The only issue I have is the smoking, and she's doing that less since she's been with me.
    Point is you can leave from those situations without a problem. Being married and just dating women are 2 totally different things.
  13. #33  
    You gotta know your wifes love language. Some women are similar to men and some aren't. You can say they are all feelers, but thats not entirely true. I spent most of my teenage years buying magazines telling me that women are sensual and in bed women aren't into quickies and they don't like it hard and rough, then I marry what I felt was the only woman that loves 5 minute sessions.

    A love language is what makes you and your wife feel loved.

    There are 5.

    1. Receiving gifts: Is the person feels loved when you get things for them, like a gift.

    2.Acts of Services: Person feels more loved if you do things for them, like clean their car out or take care of something for them.

    3. Physical touch: such as hugging, kissing, or **** smacking .

    4.Words of Affirmation. Person feels loved just by you telling them that you love them.

    5. Spending quality time. You can figure that one out.

    Most people score high in 2 of the 4. Here's a link of one of the tests by Dr. Gary Chapman Love Languages Test

    This has helped me and my wife a lot. When things start to go off we think back to our love languages and see if we are fulfilling them. Sometimes it just takes 15 minutes a day after work of alone time. I found when our kids see us do this, they start to behave better because they feel more secure with mommy and daddy's relationship. There's a lot more to it, but these are just the basics that will make a difference.
  14. #34  
    It's easy to communicate with your woman, everytime she says something you just say "yes dear", lol
  15. #35  
    Quote Originally Posted by Mom2Ninjas View Post
    Make a compromise with her.
    Explain the extra costs of
    repairing the house if the trees
    hit the house so cut down the two most
    threatening trees now, and
    the other two in a month or 2.

    That way the expense is split
    in half for her and you look
    like a good guy for taking
    her worry bout spending the
    money into consideration.

    Get quotes on having the
    trees removed. Get a 2 tree
    quote and a 4 tree quote.

    Come back later in the day
    with your two quotes. You
    will more than likely save
    more money doing it all at
    once. She will like that.
    See! you are doing it again, you are solving an issue

    -Talk to her and tell her you understand why she feels that way and why she is worried about using the money.
    - Bring the emotional side into it, ask her how would she feel if the tree caused damage to a property you guys have work so hard to have/repair/buid (whatever)
    - Let her talk and tell you her side (do not interrup and do not offer any solution to any of her issues), finish the conversation with no resolution and let her sleep on it.

    You will have the damm trees cut in a few days after that cause she will aproach you and say that she is ok with you getting it done.

  16. #36  
    Quote Originally Posted by zx600 View Post
    See! you are doing it again, you are solving an issue

    -Talk to her and tell her you understand why she feels that way and why she is worried about using the money.
    - Bring the emotional side into it, ask her how would she feel if the tree caused damage to a property you guys have work so hard to have/repair/buid (whatever)
    - Let her talk and tell you her side (do not interrup and do not offer any solution to any of her issues), finish the conversation with no resolution and let her sleep on it.

    You will have the damm trees cut in a few days after that cause she will aproach you and say that she is ok with you getting it done.

    I thought us women weren't suppose to be solvers. We were supposed to be feelers.

    I solved it.... With some feeling.

    BTW... ZX600... I gots me a ZX6. lol
    Aka: NinjaMom
    www.ppcgeeks.com
    PPC6600>PPC6700>HTC Touch>Touch Pro>Palm Pre
  17. #37  
    Quote Originally Posted by tannyo View Post
    The Love and Respect program helped my wife and I quite a bit. There are books, conferences, DVDs of the conferences and a download of the conferences. I use the downloaded version on my Pre. Friends of ours loaned us the DVD set (5) and my wife and I liked them so much I bought and downloaded the iPod/computer version of the complete conference and also bought the DVD set with learning manual.



    The program is based on Ephesians 5:33. Husbands must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands. However, that is the extent of the "Christian" message. This is good for Christians and non-Christians alike. If you want to save your marriage (it saved mine) or simply learn how to communicate with the opposite gender, I really recommend this to you. Go to the site and listen to free movies.

    Another option is a book called His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley. Marriage Builders. Out of the following top ten emotional needs which are yours and which are your spouse's?

    • admiration
    • affection
    • conversation
    • domestic support
    • family commitment
    • financial support
    • honesty and openness
    • physical attractiveness
    • recreational companionship
    • sexual fulfillment

    This book helps you to identify the needs of your spouse and meet those needs. If you're not married it helps you identify the most common needs of the opposite gender. This book helped me when I was dating.
    I bet it did. Hey, I bet you miss the old dating days, right? Does this ring any bells? Glad that one-way respect thing is working out for ya.

    Dating guide
  18. #38  
    Quote Originally Posted by Mom2Ninjas View Post
    I thought us women weren't suppose to be solvers. We were supposed to be feelers.

    I solved it.... With some feeling.

    BTW... ZX600... I gots me a ZX6. lol
    Ohh, I didn't realise you were of the female persuation lol, I guess my ex was right, I just don't pay attention


    A girl that is a problem solver and rides a ZX6 - I never knew I would find love in Precentral lol

    The thruth is that same as guys, not all woman fall in the same category - I have had GF's that are more practical than me and others that are all about feelings, so good luck to us all.

    Or you can date a Bi-polar like I did then all bets are off
  19.    #39  
    Quote Originally Posted by tp2386 View Post
    Point is you can leave from those situations without a problem. Being married and just dating women are 2 totally different things.
    Exactly.
  20.    #40  
    [;2231259]You gotta know your wifes love language. Some women are similar to men and some aren't. You can say they are all feelers, but thats not entirely true. I spent most of my teenage years buying magazines telling me that women are sensual and in bed women aren't into quickies and they don't like it hard and rough, then I marry what I felt was the only woman that loves 5 minute sessions.

    A love language is what makes you and your wife feel loved.

    There are 5.

    1. Receiving gifts: Is the person feels loved when you get things for them, like a gift.

    2.Acts of Services: Person feels more loved if you do things for them, like clean their car out or take care of something for them.

    3. Physical touch: such as hugging, kissing, or **** smacking .

    4.Words of Affirmation. Person feels loved just by you telling them that you love them.

    5. Spending quality time. You can figure that one out.

    Most people score high in 2 of the 4. Here's a link of one of the tests by Dr. Gary Chapman [url= Languages Test[/url]

    This has helped me and my wife a lot. When things start to go off we think back to our love languages and see if we are fulfilling them. Sometimes it just takes 15 minutes a day after work of alone time. I found when our kids see us do this, they start to behave better because they feel more secure with mommy and daddy's relationship. There's a lot more to it, but these are just the basics that will make a difference.
    I think that the last part of #3 is very very important.
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