As I ate my lunch today I pondered the whereabouts of Public Enemy Number One, Osama Bin Laden. And it occurred to me. Where is the last place on Earth that the United States would look for him? And then it hit me. The one place they would never suspect. In the United States. Mayber even -- gasp-- in New York City (hey, rents are cheap in the financial district).

You heard it here first folks. Please, save yourselves from the bedlam that is certain to ensue.