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  1. AnyUser's Avatar
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       #1  
    hey. is anyone else paying $400. a week in child support like me?
    Last edited by AnyUser; 10/08/2006 at 06:31 PM.
  2. #2  
    Its based on how many children and how much you make relative to how much your ex makes. I don't mind one bit paying support for my daughter, but for me as well, it seems a bit high. From what I hear, it averages about 20% of your pay, and thats just for one child. I average 50 - 60 a year and pay about $550 a month. To me, it does seem a bit excessive.

    I have been divorced for about six years now, and have since remarried and have two other children now, and recently, I had my first experience with a modification process, and they submitted raising what I pay by about $40.00, even though I now have two more children which is supposed to drop the amount you pay for child support. Needless to say, I'm disputing it, and mediation is happening in December. The part that made me the most angry, is they request all sorts of financial information from both of us, and I submitted it all, and the ex only submitted the employer written part, which doesn't give a overall financial picture, just what she makes an hour and her medical options. My main argument is how can they derive a fair and balanced amount to pay if they don't have all the information from one of the parties. I'm at a disadvantage for submitting what they requested.

    Don't feel alone. Us dads have it hard. For years I struggled with DEEP depression and anger, and it kept me from really being as active in my daughters life as I would like. I'm in california and she lives in Michigan. I'm trying to change that now, but the courts and the hard hearted ex wives only sees you as distant, not the fact that I was so depressed and angry, at everyone and anything after she just up and left me, that I really had not only withdrawn from my daughter, but life itself.

    Its hard, but your not alone.
  3. AnyUser's Avatar
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       #3  
    Quote Originally Posted by linuxman View Post
    Its based on how many children and how much you make relative to how much your ex makes. I don't mind one bit paying support for my daughter, but for me as well, it seems a bit high. From what I hear, it averages about 20% of your pay, and thats just for one child. I average 50 - 60 a year and pay about $550 a month. To me, it does seem a bit excessive.

    I have been divorced for about six years now, and have since remarried and have two other children now, and recently, I had my first experience with a modification process, and they submitted raising what I pay by about $40.00, even though I now have two more children which is supposed to drop the amount you pay for child support. Needless to say, I'm disputing it, and mediation is happening in December. The part that made me the most angry, is they request all sorts of financial information from both of us, and I submitted it all, and the ex only submitted the employer written part, which doesn't give a overall financial picture, just what she makes an hour and her medical options. My main argument is how can they derive a fair and balanced amount to pay if they don't have all the information from one of the parties. I'm at a disadvantage for submitting what they requested.

    Don't feel alone. Us dads have it hard. For years I struggled with DEEP depression and anger, and it kept me from really being as active in my daughters life as I would like. I'm in california and she lives in Michigan. I'm trying to change that now, but the courts and the hard hearted ex wives only sees you as distant, not the fact that I was so depressed and angry, at everyone and anything after she just up and left me, that I really had not only withdrawn from my daughter, but life itself.

    Its hard, but your not alone.
    thank you. really. thank you.
  4. #4  
    That sucks, best of luck to you...Just keep fighting for your kids.
    "A man who drinks only water, has something to hide to his fellow man."

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  5. #5  
    The kids still need to be looked after even when their parents are no longer interested in each other. Oh by the way...women with children represent the poorest segment of any society.
    No sympathy here.
  6. #6  
    perditac,

    1st sentence, very true, no doubt. They are the reason.

    2nd sentence, there are plenty of reasons for that, good and bad (in my opinion).

    3rd, I guess you know it all.
  7. #7  
    I hear what you're saying I pay $545/wk. It's an incredible burden but I try to keep in mind that it's my children that are on the other end of that check. My ex might not spend it the same way I'd like but my kids have a roof over their heads, food on the table and clothes on their back. That's something a man can be proud of.
  8. #8  
    Wow, that's cool. If only it would work that way in the majority of cases. They'll never spend it 'just like you would', but if she's not on drugs or anything...
  9. #9  
    I work for the Goverment and I pay $1220 for 2 kids in Texas.
  10. #10  
    That is a lot of baby mama money... wow... these ladies are being paid...

    Sorry, but I can't see a kid needing that much cash... $500 a week?

    I would be depressed as well… some of you guys got shafted…

    Glad I’m still single with no kids… I thank god everyday.
    01000010 01100001 01101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01000011 01110010 01100001 01110000 01110000 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100001
  11. #11  
    Clearly this is a topic that could drag any individual poster out for paragraph upon paragraph - chapters even.

    Suffice it to say that divorce law has not caught up with divorce reality in the 21st century - we have have a system that was precipitated by the disapearing dads of the 1950's and 60's who left behind helpless wives and even more helpless children for the stereotypical secretary who would "do the things his wife wouldn't do".

    Fast forward to 2006 and you have a world without income security. A world where our Treos have replaced secretaries. And a world in which women can walk away from marriages because they turn forty and feel "unfulfilled" or that "they need to find their soulmate", all without penalty - and in many instances WITH something akin to reward. The era of no fault divorce has enabled millions to end their marriages for no reason other than "they lost that lovin' feelin'". Attend any relatives fiftieth wedding anniversary and what you are witnessing are thirty years of love and devotion and a good twenty years of patience and endurance.

    The current child support system exists as an awkward financial underpinning to a teetering social system that offers no effective penalty for divorce. Myself, I pay almost $800/mo in child support. Yes, I can keep up with the payments but no - I am NOT putting money away for my retirement, and I am NOT saving for my children's college educations. In fact, I am rather looking forward to the time eight years from now when my ex-wife asks how much I have "put away for college" and I get to tell her - gleefully - "Not one damn thing, honey. The kids and I needed a place to sleep and we needed to eat."

    There is good news, and there is bad news. Child support is fast becoming "the new welfare" and it threatens men much more than women. As state and federal programs to assist the poor are stripped, cut and eliminated the one way that looms to prop these programs up is by sending the bills to divorced dads. Once upon a time the "shame" of dropping the kids off at a welfare program like Headstart would keep a woman in a marriage. So why not cut funding for Headstart and just send the bill to Divorced Dad? And while your at it, why not let the Divorced Mom choose the daycare?

    The good news is that - over time - there will be a silent political rebellion against the current system, but it will take time. It may take ten years, it may take twenty...but some day a group of predominantly male legislators will look at eachother and - like one great group hug, and in unison proclaim "I remember how f*cked up the child support system was after my divorce and YES I am willing to sponsor/support legislation that will make it more FAIR for dads who are committed and involved with their children!"
    Last edited by Keefer Lucas; 10/15/2006 at 03:21 PM.
  12. #12  
    I'm not sure what you're getting at. Who else should be paying for the support and care of (y)our children besides us? When I was first divorced I resented the hell out of paying all that money to my ex, but when I looked at how it's calculated (in New York) it's really pretty fair. We should be supporting our kids in a manner that is proportional to our earnings. If I were still married wouldn't I be providing 70% of the support if I made 70% of the income? The old way made society responsible for the kids we fathered - that's not fair is it? And to be honest I get a lot of satisfaction out of knowing that I'm providing for my own.

    If you do your part every week, month or year then when they grow up they might just do the same if they have to, or better yet, maybe they'll choose better wives or make better choices while they're married. Isn't that what being a parent is all about? Creating citizens who can contribute meaningfully to their communities? I think that to do that you have to start by taking responibility for your pqart of that community and then if you can, try to give something back. As the song says " teach your children well..."
  13. #13  
    Quote Originally Posted by Keefer Lucas View Post
    Clearly this is a topic that could drag any individual poster out for paragraph upon paragraph - chapters even.

    Suffice it to say that divorce law has not caught up with divorce reality in the 21st century - we have have a system that was precipitated by the disapearing dads of the 1950's and 60's who left behind helpless wives and even more helpless children for the stereotypical secretary who would "do the things his wife wouldn't do".

    Fast forward to 2006 and you have a world without income security. A world where our Treos have replaced secretaries. And a world in which women can walk away from marriages because they turn forty and feel "unfulfilled" or that "they need to find their soulmate", all without penalty - and in many instances WITH something akin to reward. The era of no fault divorce has enabled millions to end their marriages for no reason other than "they lost that lovin' feelin'". Attend any relatives fiftieth wedding anniversary and what you are witnessing are thirty years of love and devotion and a good twenty years of patience and endurance.

    The current child support system exists as an awkward financial underpinning to a teetering social system that offers no effective penalty for divorce. Myself, I pay almost $800/mo in child support. Yes, I can keep up with the payments but no - I am NOT putting money away for my retirement, and I am NOT saving for my children's college educations. In fact, I am rather looking forward to the time eight years from now when my ex-wife asks how much I have "put away for college" and I get to tell her - gleefully - "Not one damn thing, honey. The kids and I needed a place to sleep and we needed to eat."

    There is good news, and there is bad news. Child support is fast becoming "the new welfare" and it threatens men much more than women. As state and federal programs to assist the poor are stripped, cut and eliminated the one way that looms to prop these programs up is by sending the bills to divorced dads. Once upon a time the "shame" of dropping the kids off at a welfare program like Headstart would keep a woman in a marriage. So why not cut funding for Headstart and just send the bill to Divorced Dad? And while your at it, why not let the Divorced Mom choose the daycare?

    The good news is that - over time - there will be a silent political rebellion against the current system, but it will take time. It may take ten years, it may take twenty...but some day a group of predominantly male legislators will look at eachother and - like one great group hug, and in unison proclaim "I remember how f*cked up the child support system was after my divorce and YES I am willing to sponsor/support legislation that will make it more FAIR for dads who are committed and involved with their children!"
    Marriage, devorce...its all designed to benifit the women. That is why men are getting married less and less these days and they aren't quick to want little ones unless they know the mothers a definite keeper if there are no accidents. Imagine a world where men were at no fault in situations where they new someone was being responsible for the both of them and oooops...especially if the girl gets pregnant for a meal ticket from a guy with money and if she new she couldn't collect...she would make sure she never got pregnant. If there were something like this, it would also slow down the amount of single mothers or fatherless children out there. My buddy makes loads of Money...$500,000 house, Porche, etc., and his girlfriend just got pregnant after a couple of years of dating without children due to her being responsible utilizing birth control but all of a sudden after a fight about their relationship going to the next level and she just forgot or stopped taking the pill and he is a father now, and if he doesn't stay with her...he will pay. If womon new they couldn't get away with this...this would have never happened to my buddy. Its also designed this way to make Dad stay around even if he doesn't...cheaper to keep her. I also understand the women's point of view too in todays society and am no way bashing women, but just notorizing how men get the shaft.
    Last edited by KStewart; 10/15/2006 at 11:03 PM.
    at&t iPhone3G
  14. #14  
    Quote Originally Posted by maninrochester View Post
    I'm not sure what you're getting at.
    Let me spell it out more clearly then. Its too easy to get divorced. For many women - and probably a growing number of men - there is not enough financial penalty/burden in divorce. I pay $800/mo in child support and slip the profits from the sale of marital assets after ten years of marriage. You'd be hard pressed to find SOMEONE who paid $800 a month on clothes and food for two kids, month in, month out...

    When you combine that with the fact that I have my children three nights out of the week...I/we certainly never paid THAT much while continuing to pay as though I never see my children.

    In short - we have made it far too easy to walk away from the committment/contract of marriage...
  15. #15  
    It drives me crazy that at the time of my divorce my EX was making more than me and I STILL have to pay her. Dont get me wrong my son deserves the best and I have no problem supporting him but....

    In the agreement for time with our son my ex and I agreed on about a 60/40 split to her favor. If you combine the fact that I have him 40% of the time and have to pay for the things we do when we are together and stock the house with food for him, with the fact that I still have to pay her?

    I dont get it and it infuriates me. I hate the system.
    ONE can be spelled as NEO.
    There is no spoon.
  16. #16  
    I think you're right about it being too easy to get a divorce; perhaps it should be just as hard to get married! There will always be people who are ethically challenged both male and female. My whole point is that rather than rueing the day you were married and grinding your teeth every time you write a check try to see it more positively. I have a huge burden financially in fact I don't know anyone who pays what I do, but the real deal here is my children and my support of them. My ex gave up her career to have and raise children, when we got divorced her income was considerably less than mine and it still is. The net here is that my kids live in a nice neighborhood with good schools, have enough to eat and clothes on their back. Am I sacraficing financially for this? Of course I am, but I would be anyway. The biggest difference is that we pay for 2 houses instead of one, that was the choice we made whe we divorced.
  17. #17  
    Quote Originally Posted by maninrochester View Post
    ...that was the choice we made whe we divorced.
    Therein lies the important difference between you and I. Divorce, in my instance was neither a mutual decision or circumstance - its one that I didn't want yet had no choice over and - seeing how my ex-wife struggles - one I see little advantage for in terms of my children. There are boatloads of legitimate reasons for people to divorce. That being said, a spouse leaving a relationship "to find herself" or because "she suddenly realized I was NOT her soulmate" are not sufficient reasons to detonate a thermonuclear device in the midst of an otherwise functioning family unit. A disillusioned spouse should indeed be able to "Go their own way", but not at the expense of placing a crushing financial burden on a partner who wanted no part in the equation.
  18. #18  
    If it takes the rest of my life, then it will take the rest of my life.

    www.loveisearned.com (specifically, see the divorce page)

    From my About Me page:

    Brian Lovett is a business strategy and transformation consultant and earned his MBA from the University of Chicago. Without any education in law, and with the assistance of the Center for Children’s Justice, he is currently challenging almost every divorce law in the State of Illinois Pro Se (which means without an attorney), including the “best interest of the child,” child support, alimony, attorneys’ fees, the disclosure of personal information, and trial by jury. He figures, "if an attorney can learn this, how hard could it really be?" Though no evidence was presented to the court that he was an unfit father, and even though his ex-wife testified that Brian is a loving and good father, he is "allowed" by the government (and his ex-wife) to see his daughter only 112 hours each month (13% of the time), whereas he saw his daughter 50% of the time for her first 4.5 years of her life while he was married. He is also not permitted any decision-making authority or control over his daughter.
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  19. #19  
    Men are routinely tried and convicted - by their wives and by the court system - of failing to be Ward Cleaver in a world where Ward Cleaver went off the air in 1963.
  20. #20  
    As an aside, for those of you unfamiliar with Fathers-4-Justice (now known as REAL Fathers-4-Justice, which you will find at http://www.realfathersforjustice.org/), here's an article that can be a starting point for background: http://www.ifeminists.net/introducti...525lovett.html.

    Get into the fight - you owe it to your children.

    - B.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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    Instant Messenger:<O</O
    AOL: brilovett, MSN: blovett@chicagogsb.edu, Yahoo: bm_lovett
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