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  1. Micael's Avatar
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       #1  
    After reading some of the threads in this forum, I thought these pointers and techniques might prove useful. Use them liberally, or conservatively, so to speak:

    How to Win Arguments, As It Were
    by DAVE BARRY

    I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments.

    Simply follow these rules:

    Drink Liquor.
    Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

    Make things up.
    Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: ``I think Peruvians are underpaid.'' Say: ``The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level.''


    NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
    If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: ``This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?'' Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say ``You left your soiled underwear in my bath house.''

    Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.

    Memorize this list:

    Let me put it this way
    In terms of
    Vis-a-vis
    Per se
    As it were
    Qua
    So to speak
    You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as ``Q.E.D.,'' ``e.g.,'' and ``i.e.'' These are all short for ``I speak Latin, and you do not.''

    Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: ``Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money.''

    You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: ``Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D.''

    Only a fool would challenge that statement.

    Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
    You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

    You're begging the question.
    You're being defensive.
    Don't compare apples and oranges.
    What are your parameters?
    This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what ``parameters'' means.

    Here's how to use your comebacks:

    You say: ``As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...''
    Your opponent says: ``Lincoln died in 1865.''
    You say: ``You're begging the question.''

    OR

    You say: ``Liberians, like most Asians...''
    Your opponent says: ``Liberia is in Africa.''
    You say: ``You're being defensive.''

    Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
    This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: ``That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say'' or ``You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler.''

    So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull this on people who generally carry weapons.
  2. #2  
    Let me put it this way, the Treo 700P with its lackluster feature set vis-a-vis the WM5 challengers stands less chance of success than the Peruvian attempts to eradicate institutional poverty level incomes.
    Remember, the "P" in PDA stands for personal.
    If it works for you, it is "P"erfect.
  3. #3  
    Quote Originally Posted by dstrauss
    Let me put it this way, the Treo 700P with its lackluster feature set vis-a-vis the WM5 challengers stands less chance of success than the Peruvian attempts to eradicate institutional poverty level incomes.
    Word.
    I find it sad/odd that people ask to be thanked. How genuine is it when you have to ask? It's like forcing your kid to call Grandma, to thank her for the new underwear she sent for their birthday.

    "To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
    -Jack Handy, SNL-


  4. #4  
    Burrito.
  5. #5  
    Quote Originally Posted by Tastypeppers
    Burrito.
    What are your parameters?!?!
  6. #6  
    Gotta love it...
  7. #7  
    Quote Originally Posted by gharrod
    Gotta love it...
    You're begging the question.
    Remember, the "P" in PDA stands for personal.
    If it works for you, it is "P"erfect.
  8. #8  
    beggers cant be choosers
    Well behaved women rarely make history
  9. #9  
    per se
    MaxiMunK.com The Forum That Asks, "Are You Not Entertained?"

    Remember: "Anyone that thinks the Treo should just work right out of the box, shouldn't own a Treo..."
  10. #10  
    Percy

    Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822), English Romantic poet who rebelled against English politics and conservative values.
    Well behaved women rarely make history
  11. #11  
    Don't compare apples and oranges...i.e. 650s and 700s
    Treo 600 > Treo 650 > Treo 700p > Treo 700wx -> Mogul -> Touch Pro
    You may like to flash, but your phone shouldn't. LED Killer
  12. #12  
    Quote Originally Posted by clairegrrl
    Percy

    Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822), English Romantic poet who rebelled against English politics and conservative values.
    Mary Shelley was more my style
    Remember, the "P" in PDA stands for personal.
    If it works for you, it is "P"erfect.
  13. #13  
    Percy Wetmore do a little dance...hear him squishin' in his pants...
    MaxiMunK.com The Forum That Asks, "Are You Not Entertained?"

    Remember: "Anyone that thinks the Treo should just work right out of the box, shouldn't own a Treo..."
  14. #14  
    Quote Originally Posted by dstrauss
    Mary Shelley was more my style
    I like William Wordsworth
    Well behaved women rarely make history
  15. #15  
    Quote Originally Posted by Insertion
    Percy Wetmore do a little dance...hear him squishin' in his pants...
    ...when you're slidin' into home and your pants are full of foam, diar....
    Well behaved women rarely make history
  16. #16  
    freedom hater
  17. #17  
    Quote Originally Posted by theBlaze74
    freedom hater
    you talk about hate more than any 10 people here...whats up with that
    Well behaved women rarely make history
  18. #18  
    Quote Originally Posted by theBlaze74
    freedom hater
    You're being defensive
  19. #19  
    Sounds like something old Adolph would say.
    "Everybody Palm!"

    Palm III/IIIC, Palm Vx, Verizon: Treo 650, Centro, Pre+.
    Leo killed my future Pre 3 & Opal, dagnabitt!
    Should I buy a Handspring Visor instead?
    Got a Pre2! "It eats iPhones for Breakfast"!
  20. #20  
    Quote Originally Posted by theBlaze74
    freedom hater
    How random can you get?
    Remember, the "P" in PDA stands for personal.
    If it works for you, it is "P"erfect.
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