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  1.    #1  
    David v. Goliath (or: How I Learned to Suckle from the Acrid Teat of Sprint)

    I've been on the phone with these moose fondlers for two hours now today trying to track down my new A900. I called Sprint retentions on Sunday and they gave me a really good deal on a A900 and a 700p. Part of it entailed me going to a Sprint store to pickup the 700p, and the A900 would be mailed to me.
    I think I must've been snorting Comet bathroom cleaner w/ the ghost of Rodney Dangerfield to believe that! It turns out that for some reason, my order for the A900 was rejected. I never received a call, email, smoke signal, or midget-stripper-o-gram telling me the A900 order was rejected. I called yesterday to check the status of the order, and the drool-mopping knuckle dragger on the other end of the line gave me some UPS tracking number.
    Doing some shipping w/ UPS myself, I quickly realized that the tracking number she gave me was completely wrong. Wrong by like....7 digits. I ask her again - "Is this a valid UPS tracking number? This seems...wrong."
    Her reply: "Yes, we use UPS all the time. This is what's in the system."
    "Is this a tracking number, or a reference number?"
    "Sir, this is a tracking number."
    ...clearly, this was about as useful as sticking maggots in my bourbon. I politely informed her that she was probably giving me a UPS reference number, which is different than a tracking number. She became indignant.
    I hung up and checked the reference number on UPS's site.
    ....this was an order that was already delivered.
    ...to Montana.
    ...three days ago.
    ...and I live in Chicago.
    For some reason, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and thought the order would just arrive anyhow. Can you see where this is going?
    ...today comes and goes, and my strapping young UPS man doesn't come bounding up my steps with my new A900. And so I call Sprint.
    Thank god for getahuman.com, because without it, I would've spent double my time spent waiting in the hold queue.
    The first CSR, Larry, said he can't help me - it's not his department. Clearly, there is no department for CSRs with an IQ over 67. He gave me an 866 number, and offered to transfer me.
    I waited on hold for nine minutes, hung up, and called back.
    The next CSR was snapping gum, and sounded irritable.
    :: click :::
    The next CSR, Melinda, sounded chipper, young, and fresh like a kitten straight out of the oven. Perfect!
    She lasted seven minutes before giving me an 888 phone number, and transferring me to the phone-tree equivalent of Window's Blue-Screen-of-Death.
    This time I tried a different tactic. I *2'd, said "Cancel" and got right to a retentions rep who sounded like he worked really hard at cultivating a Russell Crowe-like stubble.
    I explained my situation.
    He said "Oh, that's not my department. You ordered this from telesales. Here's an 800 number, let me transfer you."
    Before I could let out a tiny little whimper of objection, I was transferred to a sultry-voiced women who's voice sounded like she ate three packs of Lucky Strikes for breakfast. Screw smoking 'em - that's for wimps.
    I was in heaven.
    ...but not for long.
    Apparently, Russell Crowe transferred me to Sprint Long Distance. This woman probably never saw a cellphone from her apartment above the truck stop. She gladly gave me another 888 number.
    I called my getahuman.com number again and spoke with Paul. Paul's the chairman of the campus MBA honors society and gets his haircut at BoRicks for $9 because that's smart, sensible, and a darn good value. He vowed to help me find my phone.
    I swear I heard his ernest little heart beat-beat-beatin' away with all he had.
    It took him fifteen minutes to figure out that the order wasn't in his system. He gave me some reference number he found on the six-pack of Icehouse sitting on his desk, and gave me the number to Sprint's Shipping Department, because if anyone can help me, they'll be able to.
    Well, apparently, Sprint's shipping department is located in Mumbai. It's the most efficient way of doing business - have all your domestic orders overseen from an overseas call-center. Way to go - Milton Friedman would be proud!
    Well, the first woman I spoke with didn't want to talk to me because I was a Sprint customer, and since she was a Nextel rep, her brain melted right on the spot.
    I called back and spoke with Elizabeth Smith. Dear Liz sounded like she was an extra from the Bollywood movie I Netflix'd last week, but she, just like Paul, swore to me she would find my phone. It wasn't in her system either, but she knew if she didn't have it, she could just ask her supervisor. She said she would put me on hold, get up and walk to the next room and get her supervisor.
    For those of you wanting to visit Mumbai, if you're talking to the locals and say "next room," you really mean "all the way on the other side of the city." I was on hold for another twenty minutes, then :: click::, and a busy signal.
    Maybe I was a bit abrasive.
    By this point, I probably talked to one or two other CSR's - I don't know....but I tried one last time. I *2'd, muttered "Cancel" to the robot, and got connected with Bernadette.
    After going through a tale of woe only Tolstoy would rival, Bernadette said she'd help. She clickety-clacked and tippety-tapped, and put me on hold.
    ....
    ....
    ....
    After ten minutes, I was about Google the number for Sprint's corporate office and commit harikari on the phone with the first hapless administrative assistant who answered...but then Bernadette came back on the line.
    "Sir, your order for the A900 was rejected."
    "Rejected?"
    "Yes sir. I can re-order the A900 for you now and give you an order number if you'd like."
    I then proceeded to inform her of the thousands of tiny metastizing balls of cancer that had grown on my skin during the last two hours, and asked if she could overnight the phone to me.
    "I'm sorry sir, but we can't overnight any orders."
    "...blublublublu...whu..?? I'm sorry? Um, first - since my original order was rejected, when was Sprint planning on telling me this?"
    "I apologize about this sir. Would you like me to place your order now?"
    "Yes, but I would like the phone overnighted so I have it tomorrow. When I called Sunday, the rep said I'd have the phone this week."
    "I know sir. Let me put you on hold and see what I can do."
    I think she just had a bet with her co-workers to see if she could get me to have a stroke on the phone. Her previous best was a Sprint customer who lept from his second story window into the rose bushes because she couldn't move his "Nights and Weekend" minutes to 7pm.
    ...ten minutes later...
    "Yes, thank you for holding sir. I can order the phone for you now and give you and order number. You can call back tomorrow and get a tracking number."
    "Thank you, but can I get that overnighted?"
    "I'm sorry sir, but we don't overnight anything."
    "Sprint doesn't have the power to overnight shippments?"
    "Yes sir."
    "You're a national communications leviathan, and you can't overnight a cellphone to one of your customers?"
    "That's correct sir."
    "Tell me again why I decided to stay your customer?"
    "Would you like me to place that order now for you? I can give you an order number so you can track your order."

    By this time, Sprint had my balls in a vice somewhere in Newark, New Jersey. I was defeated. I thought I'd be the hero of the down-trodden, the bright shining star of consumerism, champion of all who came before me. Instead, I was defeated...Sprint wore me down.
    "Yes...fine."
    "Thank you sir. Your order number is: 3MTA3. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
    I could barely whimper "...no...."
    "Thank you, have a good day."
    Last edited by itchi23; 06/08/2006 at 07:36 PM.
  2. #2  
    Best post of the year!
    Freedom of some speech in the US, through someone in the UK.
  3. Rob_T's Avatar
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    #3  
    It's posts like that that encourage me to take nourishment for one more day.

    I'll be chasing that post "high" for a while....
  4. #4  
    Yep, that was a great post.

    Much better than the daft A900.. ;-)
  5. #5  
    That was truly a marvelous piece of literature... You should call a publisher immediatel... oh, that would require being on the phone again.... Nevermind!
    "Everybody Palm!"

    Palm III/IIIC, Palm Vx, Verizon: Treo 650, Centro, Pre+.
    Leo killed my future Pre 3 & Opal, dagnabitt!
    Should I buy a Handspring Visor instead?
    Got a Pre2! "It eats iPhones for Breakfast"!
  6. #6  
    Thank you so much for that entertaining tale. It was definitely the most I've laughed all day! And, when your Motorola Razr phone arrives in 8 weeks at your neighbor's house via CamelExpress, I hope it's the best phone ever
  7. #7  
    Sprint overnighted my 700p to me from rententions.....That b&@$h lied to you....But that's ok....if you read my post about my experience with Rententions today, you'd see that rententions can be quite imcompetent at times. My next phone billing period starts today, so luckily my phone came today. The guy said if I hadn't called today, I'd have been charged for all the mistakes the other rep made to my account. The bill for the account would have been well over $200! He threw in a load of extras for my inconvience. You really seem to have deserved it more than I did (I waited for 15 minutes for them to answer the phone, yours seemed to take all afternoon)

    And now:
    My 700P will be better than your 700p!

    Signed,
    The n00b!

    P.s. Bow before me!

    Don't just see the n00b, be the n00b! Wait, no...
  8. no_to_co's Avatar
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    #8  
    I have had no luck with retention. I ended up sending them a 2 page email today (not as clever as yours). Anyway, how much was the 700p and what plan did you get?
  9. #9  
    I too dealt with Retentions today.

    I made my deal last week, got my phone Monday, and have been happy with the phone in all respects, except that I can't get it to work as a modem--with the hack even.

    So today I spoke to a rep and decided I'd try Phone as Modem (PAM) and see if I could make THAT work.

    I went into the Sprint store, added the PAM plan, came home, thinking that I'd finally get the phone to work as a modem. It worked for 30 seconds and then locked up my Treo, just like every other time.

    So I called Sprint to cancel the PAM plan; I was told that I didn't have a Power Vision plan, without which I could never get the phone to work as a modem. I explained that I'd gotten a Power Vision upgrade when I bought my phone (from a really nice guy in Retentions); after about 10 minutes, during which the woman on the phone refused to let me finish a sentence, I hung up on her, called again, got a 2nd woman who straightened things out after a half-hour of haggling and threatening to cancel my service.

    I had a great experience last week with Retentions, but today was absolutely awful. Some of these employees have no skill as customer reps, not to mention a total lack of knowledge about some of their products and services.
  10. #10  
    Quote Originally Posted by itchi23
    "I'm sorry sir, but we can't overnight any orders."
    I really feel for you. For what it's worth, I tried to convince Retentions to overnight mine too, and got the same response. The next day, when I called Shipping to check on it, I was told "of course it's overnight, you'll have it tomorrow"....and I did.
    Sprint 650 --> Sprint 700p
    Agendus Pro/Mail, BackupMan, Diddlebug, Dir Asst, GroupTextMessaging, HandyShopper, LightwavPro, LudusP, MobileClock, palmPDF, PDANet, pTunes, Splash ID/Shopper, TCPMP, volumeCare, ZLauncher
  11. #11  
    I apologize, in advance, for rather long and dry accounting of my dealings with Retentions and the other convoluted divisions within the Sprint fiefdom, but I wanted to share my experiences over the past six days. On June 2nd, I finally acquiesced to my inner, desire-demons, called Retentions regarding, and upgrade from my 650 to a 700p. I had always paid full price (I know what a dummy) for my past phones, so I hoped for a generous discount on a new Treo.
    The first CSR, Desmond, initially offered a rather measly credit, given that I was out of contract and have been a good customer since 1999. He finally agreed to sell it for $325, if I would put it on my credit card during the call. He also offered 500 free text messages, nights and weekends after 7pm free as well. I decided to shop it a bit and told him I would call back later. Little did I know at the time, that this would be the most excruciating experience I have ever had with this company.
    The next Retention CSR, Laura, offered the phone for $300, free nights and weekends after 6pm, free unlimited texting and free EVDO and a 20% discount on the main phone. Though I observed that some on the forum had received better deals, this one convinced me to agree to a two-year contract. I already receive a 17% corporate discount, so this seemed like a smoking deal. I ordered the phone, but she told me to call back later for the tracking number. I was told to expect the phone within 3-5 business days. A couple of hours later, I attempted to log into the Sprint PCS site, in order to review the changes that had been made to the account. For some reason the site would not allow me access, so I called Retentions again and Spoke to Rich. He indicated that they had had “system issues” and that it probably affected my account. He offered an additional 5% on top of the 20% for my inconvenience. At this point, I felt as though this was going to be a good day.
    I took a landline phone call from my wife and she indicated that she had just sent me a text message. After I got off the phone with her, I checked my 650 and discovered that I could no longer send a text, or make a phone call. I called Sprint again, and spoke to Noria, who works in the Business division for Sprint. I explained my problem and she indicated that it was impossible for something like that to occur, by merely ordering a new phone. She had me turn my phone off and on, and then she did something on her end that allowed me to have access to the functions of my phone again. After we finished our call, I started to check my voicemail, with alarming consequences. The Sprint “phonebot” asked whether I wanted to set up my voicemail. Alarmed, I called Retentions and spoke to Julie. She said that they had not touched my voicemail account and that it had not been changed since 1999. I told her that all of this occurred after I purchased a phone and extended my contract. She offered a $25 credit for my inconvenience and transferred me to Tech. Services. They also indicated that there had not been a change in the voicemail, but that they were having problems with their system that day. Suffice it to say, over the next five days I spoke to and additional eight agents who:

    -Instead of taking my daughter off my account (at my request) so that she could establish her own credit and service; set her phone up for cance
    -Mistakenly ordered the 700p to be placed on my daughters line, which caused problems (According to CSR Melinda) when they attempted to establish her own service
    -Kept taking the EVDO off our account (my wife uses it for her phone too)
    -Would alternately tell me the phone has been shipped, on backorder, has not been ordered, or was “in limbo”
    -Extended my wife’s’ contract, even though I was the one that had agreed to an extension
    -Would make “appointments to call me and my daughter, and didn’t follow through
    -I was instructed to leave messages at a supervisor (Jim Danner) phone if I had any problems. To date, he has not returned the numerous calls that I made to him
    -And finally (there is more, but it is equally as tedious) after a 2 hour conversation with a Kelly (Retentions), where he asked me to recount my experience so that he could document it for his superiors, I discovered today that he his documented comments totaled about two lines. He even read it back to me last night.

    Anyway, I have the phone and a number of credits on my account. I just do not have confidence that they will be properly credited to my future bills. I will not bore you any longer, but thanks for indulging my rant.
  12. #12  
    That whole part about the tracking number being delivered "elsewhere" "already"... I think that it is a ploy of some sort. My neighbor Sprints it and he was supposed to get a FREE phone from retentions. After not having it the next week as promised, he called to raise hell with fire and brimstone and they told him it was already delivered to some random address. Crazy eh? Coinedence? I think not...
  13. #13  
    My father "pre-ordered" a 700P from Sprint and was quoted a price of $300.
    Great deal, right?
    Well, he called a few days later to get a tracking number and they have no record of it.
    So he cancels.
    Then last week, he calls about the 650 and is quoted $75. He orders, calls back a few days later, and again, no record of the order.
    He called again today and hopefully, this time, he will get a 650 for $75.
    After reading this thread, I am happy to be a VZW customer.
    These stories are incredible.
    Now I know why Sprint's rates (for data especially) are so cheap, 1) their employees must not make anything and reflect this 2) and you get what you pay for.
  14. #14  
    BUWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! That was the most hilarious post ever!

    However, I am gonna have to move it to the cdma forum anyway!
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  15. no_to_co's Avatar
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    #15  
    you might as well lock these threads, because moving them here kills them
  16. #16  
    Quote Originally Posted by patchs
    My father "pre-ordered" a 700P from Sprint and was quoted a price of $300.
    Great deal, right?
    Well, he called a few days later to get a tracking number and they have no record of it.
    So he cancels.
    Then last week, he calls about the 650 and is quoted $75. He orders, calls back a few days later, and again, no record of the order.
    He called again today and hopefully, this time, he will get a 650 for $75.
    After reading this thread, I am happy to be a VZW customer.
    These stories are incredible.
    Now I know why Sprint's rates (for data especially) are so cheap, 1) their employees must not make anything and reflect this 2) and you get what you pay for.
    Well, I owe Sprint a semi-apology, my Dad got his 650 today.

  17. #17  
    Quote Originally Posted by no_to_co
    you might as well lock these threads, because moving them here kills them
    Nahhhh....we can keep it alive
    Well behaved women rarely make history
  18. #18  
    That was a great piece of writing - hilarious!
  19. #19  
    all i can say is...WOW, they should turn these stories into a movie!
  20. #20  
    WOW!!! I laughed, I cried, I hung up after 50 minutes.
    IQ of 67 is probably the most generous thing I have ever heard
    There's always next year!
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