People who ordered at HP Small and Medium Business Site - Page 89

untitled · 09/08/2011, 05:22 PM

A source deep within HP has clued me in on the company's ordering and shipping procedures.

First, a drunken, blindfolded baboon with rheumatoid arthritis is in charge of taking down all orders by hand and then inputting them into the computer system. He is prejudiced against anyone whose ancestors can be traced to Europe, Asia or Africa, so their orders are moved to the bottom of the pile. Also, he is easily distracted and often forgets to return from his lunch break. At times he can be found throwing his feces at passing cars from an overpass above a nearby highway.

Once in the system, your file is deleted automatically.

Several days later, the baboon's poor intern, Darla, goes through his unfiled papers, including Burger King wrappers, transcripts of the missing Nixon tapes, and our orders. A Yale graduate with a masters degree in communication, she proceeds to laboriously re-enter our orders, making sure after each one to disable the auto-delete process. Sometimes, if the baboon is out sick, she can get several dozen done in a day.

Our orders are then stored in a server farm in Outer Mongolia run by a exiled Turk named Gerth. The servers are actually just a couple 486 computers from 1994 running Windows for Workgroups. They crash frequently, usually because Gerth is taxing their resources by also playing solitaire.

After a few weeks, when there are 500 or so orders saved on the beige desktop, Gerth prints them out on a dot matrix Epson from 1986 and drives to Vladivostok. From there they are taken by a Russian freighter to Ho Chi Minh City, overland through Southeast Asia to New Delhi, and then again by freighter, around the Horn of Africa (if pirates don't intercept it), Madagascar and the Cape of Good Hope.

Then the process gets complicated.

Once the waterlogged package is delivered to U.S. shores, it is delivered to Mark Hurd's house, because Gerth doesn't want to waste perfectly good address labels. No one is sure how he got them in the first place. Hurd, as a condition of his ouster, is required to forward them to the HP warehouse, but he throws them in his trash instead. Fortunately, HP agents are still going through his trash, and they drop off the orders on their way to Carly Fiorina's house.

At the warehouse, there are 200,000 TouchPads, along with the Ark of the Covenant, thousands of cases of Crystal Pepsi, and copies of the secret album the Beatles made in 1974. The warehouse is run by JFK and staffed entirely by Neanderthals, bigfoots, (they don't get along) and the passengers and crew of the Marie Celeste.

None of them know what a Touchpad is, so they telegraph Darla via Western Union to tell her that the orders are backordered. But Darla is hoping to get a day off in 6-8 weeks, when the baboon gets his breast implants, and at that time she'll drive to the warehouse and personally get our orders shipped.

See? Simple.

mrbjr · 09/08/2011, 05:31 PM

Finally, the truth is out!!!

FaMeRoKz · 09/08/2011, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluenote

strange comment. Forums and twitter littered with people who got it for webOS. And even those with hope of "seeing android"-plenty of comments from those about the beauty of webOS and how a dual boot is preferable to them than pure android.

and i agree....i was just stating that a majority of ppl would like to see android on it..

thats not in any way taking away from WebOs...but at the end of the day we really dont know where WebOS is going to stand...thats what i meant to say..

i guess im just frustrated with the way HP has been handling this whole situation..

advocate2 · 09/08/2011, 05:46 PM

Hmmmm. Even though I received a six week notice (and don't know if it applies to my three orders or just one) when I check the HP sites, none of the orders have been moved out on delivery dates.

What's the experience of others who received the six week notice??

glabifrons · 09/08/2011, 06:02 PM

I finally have the first activity on my order since the 20th, so apparently they haven't forgotten me (I've been worried since so many have daily updates to theirs).
See my signature for the details.

**bevcraw** · 09/08/2011, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FaMeRoKz

and i agree....i was just stating that a majority of ppl would like to see android on it..

thats not in any way taking away from WebOs...but at the end of the day we really dont know where WebOS is going to stand...thats what i meant to say..

i guess im just frustrated with the way HP has been handling this whole situation..

Let's avoid using terms like majority unless you have some data to back it up. You are in a webOS forum, after all.

FaMeRoKz · 09/08/2011, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bevcraw

Let's avoid using terms like majority unless you have some data to back it up. You are in a webOS forum, after all.

agreed.

javacocoon · 09/08/2011, 06:34 PM

Got this email today. I guess many already got this.
Although I monitor my order status everyday with an android app, still cant resist to get on this forum. Intoxicating.

thirsy1258 · 09/08/2011, 06:46 PM

Java which app please. Would li e to use it I.stead of the way I do now!

sent from my thunderbolt

javacocoon · 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thirsy1258

Java which app please. Would li e to use it I.stead of the way I do now!

sent from my thunderbolt

"DailyMonitor" in android market . I initially beta tested the app. I know the developer is very responsive and is planning to add more features including shipping tracking, when these things starts to ship.

allowingtoo · 09/08/2011, 07:08 PM

@BrynaAtHP

Yes..The "I only want TouchPad news or ELSE" gang, I see you but nothing new to share for a while my friends: HP Communities - More TouchPads on the Way - HP Communities #hugzies

lukeangel · 09/08/2011, 08:39 PM

@glabifrons

You may want to check your status again! Mine did exactly the same thing yours did! Except I just checked it and it went back to "Admin" and "date will follow" from it saying "planned delivery date: 08-Sept-11" and "Planned ship date: 04-sept-11"

I think they are just cruel to tease!! I am in the 2 week window but still nothing on actually getting my tablet!

lukeangel · 09/08/2011, 08:52 PM

Ohh..Did you guys see this in the updated FAQ? They appear to now be saying they may not be able to fulfill all of the orders placed prior to 4am Monday. Look at the second paragraph:

Q: I placed my order online with HP’s SMB Store. How do I confirm that it was received?
For orders placed after 4am CT on Monday 22nd August, US SMB had already sold out of HP TouchPad. We are unable to fulfill these orders and they have been cancelled. If you saw a reserve hold for the amount of your order on your credit card, no actual charges have been made and this reserve hold will be released now that the order has been cancelled.

If you placed an order prior to 4am CT Monday, August 22, we are working through the large volume of orders, verifying payment details and seeking to source inventory for fulfillment. This process is taking longer than first anticipated. At this time, we cannot guarantee supply to all these orders but are working to supply as many orders as possible. If you saw a reserve hold for the amount of your order on your credit card and your order cannot be fulfilled, no actual charges have been made, and this reserve hold will be released if the order is cancelled.

You can check your order status here. If your order is not recognized, please check your order status again the next business day. When inventory has been allocated the status will change to “shipped.” Please note that planned ship and delivery dates on the order status page are not accurate for TouchPad orders. You can only be certain that we have identified a unit to fulfill your order once the order status shows a shipment tracking number.

musick · 09/08/2011, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by advocate2

What's the experience of others who received the six week notice??

sit back, wait, and don't sweat the small stuff

fwinst · 09/08/2011, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lukeangel

Ohh..Did you guys see this in the updated FAQ? They appear to now be saying they may not be able to fulfill all of the orders placed prior to 4am Monday. Look at the second paragraph:

If you placed an order prior to 4am CT Monday, August 22, we are working through the large volume of orders, verifying payment details and seeking to source inventory for fulfillment. This process is taking longer than first anticipated. At this time, we cannot guarantee supply to all these orders but are working to supply as many orders as possible. ...

Actually, that answer was from the FAQ's prior to the email sent out yesterday. The current answer, per the emailis,

"Your order will be fulfilled at the discounted price. However, we do not have enough stock to satisfy your order at this time. It will take 6-8 weeks to build enough HP TouchPads to meet our current commitments..."

IamReady · 09/08/2011, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syndil

I ordered 32GB Touchpads on Sunday and got the 2 weeks email. From this I assume that people that ordered the 32GB model will get theirs sooner. Makes sense since demand for the cheaper 16GB has always been higher.

Nothing HP has done with this has made sense! I ordered one 32Gb TP on Saturday afternoon, got the 6-8 week email for that order. Ordered another one 32Gb TP Sunday evening late and got the 2 week email for that order...go figure?!?

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

fwinst · 09/08/2011, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IamReady

Nothing HP has done with this has made sense! I ordered one 32Gb TP on Saturday afternoon, got the 6-8 week email for that order. Ordered another one 32Gb TP Sunday evening late and got the 2 week email for that order...go figure?!?

I'm just waiting to see if anybody gets a surprise shipment that didn't get a 2 week email. Who knows what's going on at HP.

mortymouse · 09/08/2011, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allowingtoo

@BrynaAtHP

Yes..The "I only want TouchPad news or ELSE" gang, I see you but nothing new to share for a while my friends: HP Communities - More TouchPads on the Way - HP Communities #hugzies

#hugzies? ***? She should have just said..........

dolfan3033 · 09/08/2011, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FaMeRoKz

lulz...how does my logic make no sense?

you do realize other tablets will be coming out very soon?

you do realize the majority of the ppl who got a TP got it with hopes of seeing android on it?

u mad?

1) Your logic doesn't make any sense because your still spending more for less. If you don't get that, then there's no use explaining it... Just cancel your order and purchase what you want.

2) There's tablets coming out every week. The market is saturated.

3) Doubt it. Good luck with your Android port though.... if you don't cancel it.

4) Not mad at all.

Have a nice day!

kevind123 · 09/08/2011, 10:04 PM

So my order was changed today to "date will follow". I was wondering if they will take 6-8 weeks for everyone or if they will have a shipment every week for 6-8 weeks...

09/08/2011, 05:22 PM	#1761 (permalink)
untitled Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Chicago Posts: 154 Likes Received: 52 Thanks: 29 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	A source deep within HP has clued me in on the company's ordering and shipping procedures. First, a drunken, blindfolded baboon with rheumatoid arthritis is in charge of taking down all orders by hand and then inputting them into the computer system. He is prejudiced against anyone whose ancestors can be traced to Europe, Asia or Africa, so their orders are moved to the bottom of the pile. Also, he is easily distracted and often forgets to return from his lunch break. At times he can be found throwing his feces at passing cars from an overpass above a nearby highway. Once in the system, your file is deleted automatically. Several days later, the baboon's poor intern, Darla, goes through his unfiled papers, including Burger King wrappers, transcripts of the missing Nixon tapes, and our orders. A Yale graduate with a masters degree in communication, she proceeds to laboriously re-enter our orders, making sure after each one to disable the auto-delete process. Sometimes, if the baboon is out sick, she can get several dozen done in a day. Our orders are then stored in a server farm in Outer Mongolia run by a exiled Turk named Gerth. The servers are actually just a couple 486 computers from 1994 running Windows for Workgroups. They crash frequently, usually because Gerth is taxing their resources by also playing solitaire. After a few weeks, when there are 500 or so orders saved on the beige desktop, Gerth prints them out on a dot matrix Epson from 1986 and drives to Vladivostok. From there they are taken by a Russian freighter to Ho Chi Minh City, overland through Southeast Asia to New Delhi, and then again by freighter, around the Horn of Africa (if pirates don't intercept it), Madagascar and the Cape of Good Hope. Then the process gets complicated. Once the waterlogged package is delivered to U.S. shores, it is delivered to Mark Hurd's house, because Gerth doesn't want to waste perfectly good address labels. No one is sure how he got them in the first place. Hurd, as a condition of his ouster, is required to forward them to the HP warehouse, but he throws them in his trash instead. Fortunately, HP agents are still going through his trash, and they drop off the orders on their way to Carly Fiorina's house. At the warehouse, there are 200,000 TouchPads, along with the Ark of the Covenant, thousands of cases of Crystal Pepsi, and copies of the secret album the Beatles made in 1974. The warehouse is run by JFK and staffed entirely by Neanderthals, bigfoots, (they don't get along) and the passengers and crew of the Marie Celeste. None of them know what a Touchpad is, so they telegraph Darla via Western Union to tell her that the orders are backordered. But Darla is hoping to get a day off in 6-8 weeks, when the baboon gets his breast implants, and at that time she'll drive to the warehouse and personally get our orders shipped. See? Simple. __________________ User of Android, Blackberry OS, WebOS and Windows Mobile (not necessarily in that order).
	Liked by fwinst, errhead, advocate2 and 5 others like this.

09/08/2011, 05:31 PM	#1762 (permalink)
mrbjr Member Join Date: Sep 1999 Posts: 5 Likes Received: 0 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Finally, the truth is out!!!
	Liked by

09/08/2011, 05:46 PM	#1764 (permalink)
advocate2 Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 111 Likes Received: 23 Thanks: 20 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts	Hmmmm. Even though I received a six week notice (and don't know if it applies to my three orders or just one) when I check the HP sites, none of the orders have been moved out on delivery dates. What's the experience of others who received the six week notice?? __________________ Bought the family touchpads and love dual boot.
	Liked by

09/08/2011, 06:02 PM	#1765 (permalink)
glabifrons Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 16 Likes Received: 0 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	I finally have the first activity on my order since the 20th, so apparently they haven't forgotten me (I've been worried since so many have daily updates to theirs). See my signature for the details. __________________ Ordered 8/20 11:30am, confirmation 8/20 8:25pm EST "in 2 weeks" email 9/2 6:12pm 1st update (since order date) 9/8 10:23 GMT: status "admin", shipped 9/4, due 9/8. 2nd 9/9 01:26 GMT: Ship date is blank & deliver date is "date will follow" 3rd 9/9 08:02 GMT: Ship date 9/5, delivery 9/9 4th 9/10 09:11 GMT: ship 9/6, deliver 9/10 5th 9/11 08:41 GMT: 9/7, 9/11 I've stopped trying to keep up (it actually updates twice a day, alternating between fake dates and "date will follow" as above.
	Liked by

09/08/2011, 06:34 PM	#1768 (permalink)
javacocoon Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 12 Likes Received: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Your HP TouchPad will be delivered in 6-8 weeks Got this email today. I guess many already got this. Although I monitor my order status everyday with an android app, still cant resist to get on this forum. Intoxicating. __________________ ---------------------- I am using DailyMonitor android app to keep an 24/7 eye on my order. Lets hope it pays off.
	Liked by

09/08/2011, 06:46 PM	#1769 (permalink)
thirsy1258 Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 130 Likes Received: 16 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Java which app please. Would li e to use it I.stead of the way I do now! sent from my thunderbolt
	Liked by

09/08/2011, 07:08 PM	#1771 (permalink)
allowingtoo Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 213 Likes Received: 32 Thanks: 17 Thanked 18 Times in 13 Posts	@BrynaAtHP Yes..The "I only want TouchPad news or ELSE" gang, I see you but nothing new to share for a while my friends: HP Communities - More TouchPads on the Way - HP Communities #hugzies
	Liked by

09/08/2011, 08:39 PM	#1772 (permalink)
lukeangel Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 8 Likes Received: 0 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	@glabifrons You may want to check your status again! Mine did exactly the same thing yours did! Except I just checked it and it went back to "Admin" and "date will follow" from it saying "planned delivery date: 08-Sept-11" and "Planned ship date: 04-sept-11" I think they are just cruel to tease!! I am in the 2 week window but still nothing on actually getting my tablet!
	Liked by

09/08/2011, 08:52 PM	#1773 (permalink)
lukeangel Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 8 Likes Received: 0 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Ohh..Did you guys see this in the updated FAQ? They appear to now be saying they may not be able to fulfill all of the orders placed prior to 4am Monday. Look at the second paragraph: Q: I placed my order online with HP’s SMB Store. How do I confirm that it was received? For orders placed after 4am CT on Monday 22nd August, US SMB had already sold out of HP TouchPad. We are unable to fulfill these orders and they have been cancelled. If you saw a reserve hold for the amount of your order on your credit card, no actual charges have been made and this reserve hold will be released now that the order has been cancelled. If you placed an order prior to 4am CT Monday, August 22, we are working through the large volume of orders, verifying payment details and seeking to source inventory for fulfillment. This process is taking longer than first anticipated. At this time, we cannot guarantee supply to all these orders but are working to supply as many orders as possible. If you saw a reserve hold for the amount of your order on your credit card and your order cannot be fulfilled, no actual charges have been made, and this reserve hold will be released if the order is cancelled. You can check your order status here. If your order is not recognized, please check your order status again the next business day. When inventory has been allocated the status will change to “shipped.” Please note that planned ship and delivery dates on the order status page are not accurate for TouchPad orders. You can only be certain that we have identified a unit to fulfill your order once the order status shows a shipment tracking number.
	Liked by

09/08/2011, 10:04 PM	#1780 (permalink)
kevind123 Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 68 Likes Received: 6 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post	So my order was changed today to "date will follow". I was wondering if they will take 6-8 weeks for everyone or if they will have a shipment every week for 6-8 weeks...
	Liked by

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